Keep Your Eyes Open
by ebi pers
Summary: Ben just wishes he had a friend, someone who would understand or at least sympathize with what's going on. So when an old friend resurfaces, he naturally thinks his problems are solved. Only she has things to work through on her own as well. OC story with plenty of appearances by our canon characters. On hiatus til season 2 DVD is released (and I get my hands on a copy!)
1. Yesterday We Were Just Children

**A/N: I am routinely frustrated by the lack of sympathy everyone seems to have for Ben. I mean, honestly, yes it's scary that he may be a skitter GPS and not know it but don't you think it's scarier for him? It bugs me. So I decided to give Ben an ally. This is an OC story but it's going to include a LOT of the major characters making regular appearances. Nothing frustrates me more than a poorly developed OC so, I, Ebi Pers, solemnly swear to NEVER create a Mary-Sue or otherwise obnoxiously perfect character, but rather to create a character as near to human as possible and as consistent with the quality of the actual show writers as possible. So, without further ado, read, review, enjoy! And yes, the title is named after the Taylor Swift song. Don't judge me. It's both relevant to the show and not a bad song in and of itself. (This coming from a guy who normally stays away from 'country' music.) PS: This is set after Jimmy's death and before the fourth episode. And then it'll go from there, with OC being written in at points within the canon plotlines. I own nothing except the aforementioned OC and any other OCs that will inevitably crop up for minor appearances. All other credit is due to the wonderful writers of the series, DreamWorks, and TNT.**

* * *

It was yet another unbearable day for Ben Mason. A day full of disapproving glares, distrustful looks, whispered conversations that he just _knew _were about him even without hearing them. Because the people of the 2nd Mass seemed to have a genuine hatred of him. _And why shouldn't they? You're a razorback freak after all, aren't you?_

And lately, after everything that he'd caused, he wasn't sure if _he _even trusted himself. What had he done since they'd unharnessed him? He'd almost killed his dad, he _had _killed his best friend or at least gotten him killed. And with Pope running around out there somewhere, spreading his anti-'razorback' rhetoric to God-only-knows-who, it was just a matter of time before someone got wise and decided to end him. Or, perhaps worse, until he turned into a skitter himself. After all, why else would those dry patches of skin be forming on his back?

But the worst part, the absolute _worst _part of being one of these newly-unharnessed kids, besides being caught in between two _species_, was the unending loneliness. No one wanted to be friends with a razorback. No one wanted to speak to one, be caught _near _one. Matt was scared of him, Hal could barely look at him without some form of judgment in his eyes, and his dad just couldn't defend him all the time. His only friend in the entire group had gotten killed because of him. So, with no one to talk to, he just sat and polished his gun.

The thought struck him suddenly. How odd that at only fifteen he was polishing the barrel of a gun. Before the invasion, before this _hell_, he would only _read _about people polishing the barrels of guns. He would read all of the action novels he wanted—the _Alex Rider _series, the _Percy Jackson _series, and the _Harry Potter _series was his absolute favorite. But now…he was living a life that combined the excitement of all three. What no author ever mentioned was the constant _fear_ that came with it. The fear that, at any point, he could lose everything. He peered up with green eyes at the passing civilians, most of whom either pointedly ignored him or cast him dirty looks. He responded the only way he knew how: stoically, putting on a mask of indifference to hide the pangs of pain that each judgmental glance would elicit. _I want to help these people! Why can't any of them see it?_

And more than anything he longed for an ally in all of this. He longed for his _mother_. He once heard it said that only a mother's love can be truly unconditional. And now he understood. Because no matter how many times Hal defended him, he knew that his older brother was secretly wary of him. No matter how many times Matt put on a brave face and sat on the cot across from him, he knew how afraid his younger brother truly was. And no matter how often his dad offered a hug or some comforting words, he knew that deep down inside, his dad was worried about what he would become. But his mother wouldn't have done any of that. His mother would have folded him up in her arms and held him close to her. She would have stood up to anyone who dared make a disparaging remark about him. And every night she would have whispered 'I love you, Benny-boy' to him before bed, just like she did all those nights she was still alive.

But of course, now his mom wasn't there anymore, never would be there again. He fought back the tears that threatened every time he envisioned her. His memory of her was fading, lost in a sea of new and far more traumatic ones. He could see her blonde hair, long and silky like his, and he could see her green eyes that held such warmth. And he could _feel _her arms around him, squeezing him tight to her like only mothers can do. He could feel her ruffling his hair and kissing his forehead. And he missed his mom so, _so _much now. So much. She would have understood his hardships, she wouldn't have blamed him for what had happened. And now the tears were really welling up but he forced them back, refused to cry in front of all of these people because then _they _would win. They would be convinced that they'd made him cry. And he would never, _ever _give them that satisfaction.

And he sat and continued to polish his gun until it was positively gleaming and still he continued to wipe it down if only to have something to do, something to keep busy, keep his mind _off _of everything that was troubling him.

The sound of motorcycle engines caused him to look up and he watched as the two red Honda bikes drew up, Hal on one and Maggie on the other, a cloud of dust following them. Hal had an urgent look on his face as people began to approach him, hopefully awaiting any news.

Ben watched as his brother glanced uneasily to Maggie. The pickup truck that had gone out with them was approaching now, Dai at the wheel. He could see his father riding the bed, talking to someone, which was odd since the scouting party had only left with four members.

And then, when the tailgate dropped and his dad hopped out, he spotted her. She made him do a double take because her olive skin tone, her long, dark, wavy hair—it was all so familiar to him. He was immediately reminded of summertime years ago, when he and his entire family would head down to Martha's Vineyard to stay at the vacation home of a close friend of his father's…_what was his name? Carter! _Timothy Carter! And his wife Elisabeth. They had two children, a boy about Hal's age and a girl that was two weeks younger than Ben was. _That _was who this girl reminded him of. If only he could remember what the Carter girl's name was—it had been such a long time. Personal lives had gotten in the way and the most contact Tim Carter and his dad had in the past few years had been over the telephone or occasional lunch meetings. He hadn't seen their family in ages, hadn't even thought of them in ages.

Slowly, before he knew what he was doing, he found himself approaching the area where a small crowd had gathered. Weaver was talking to the four scouts in a small circle and no one noticed Ben approaching. This mysterious new girl stood off to one side, back turned to him but she whirled around suddenly and he saw her face and his mind suddenly snapped into focus. _Alexandra_. Her name was Alexandra and she wasthe very same Alexandra that he had spent those summers with, from when he was five to when he was eleven. It was that familiar face that brought a smile to his lips before he could suppress it.

He and Alex Carter had been close during those summers. It was only natural—they were both the same age, had similar interests and experiences. And their families spent all summer together down at the house in Martha's Vineyard. It was impossible _not _to get close. He and Alex would discuss recent books they'd read or gripe about teachers or (more often) older brothers. But then the teenage years took over, high school took over, increased responsibility took over and they lost touch. Recognition flashed in her brown eyes and she was suddenly running toward him.

"Ben Mason?" she gasped as she drew to a halt in front of him. She was considerably shorter than him, at least by a head. The last time they'd seen one another in person, they had been almost the same height. "Oh my God…"

"Alex Carter…"

"I can't believe it…I mean, I recognized your dad when he found me but…I just can't believe it!"

"Me neither…" he was still in shock, still in awe because just minutes ago he had been wishing for a friend and now, seemingly out of nowhere, one had appeared. She moved to hug him and _that _was when he was also painfully reminded that things weren't the same anymore. _You can't let her find out about the spikes. _

He pushed her hands away, trying to be gentle about it but she looked hurt anyway, muttering an apology and shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"So…uh…h-how did my dad…y'know find you?" It really didn't matter to him, but he felt he should ask, felt like he should find out. And he would do anything to clear the awkward air that had now settled between them. He was careful to keep himself angled toward her in a way that rendered his back completely invisible from her perspective. A thought suddenly occurred to him. _What if Dad already told her? Or Hal? Or one of the others? _But he cleared the thought from his mind quickly. He knew Alex, knew she wouldn't act so naturally if she knew what had transpired. So no one had sold him out. Which was a good thing. He intended to keep the truth hidden for as long as possible, build up to it, give her time to adjust before springing something like this on her. It was for her own good. _But…it's not. It's for _your _own good, really. _He couldn't handle any more rejection.

"Oh I was…" Alex was interrupted as Weaver approached the two now. The crowd had dispersed at this point, having determined the girl was of no obvious threat. _She isn't the one with knives sticking out of her spine_, Ben reminded himself.

"Dr. Glass would like to examine you, Ms. Carter," Weaver was saying, glancing from Alex to Ben and back. "Just to make sure you're alright." Anne was approaching them now, as well, a friendly but somewhat tight smile on her face.

"I'm Anne Glass," she introduced herself to the girl. "I'm a medic. If you don't mind, I'd like to check you out—standard procedure…"

"Not at all," Alex nodded her consent. "I'll…catch you later?" She glanced to Ben uncertainly and the boy nodded. And then she was following Anne off to the med bus and disappearing from sight.

* * *

"How'd you find her, Dad? _Where _did you find her?" It was the first question he asked his dad when they got back to the tent. Matt was sitting on the cot, knees curled up to his chest. He'd heard of the sudden addition to the 2nd Mass and was, by all accounts, anxious to see their old family friend. He had been quite little the last time they'd seen each other, but he could still describe Alex clearly enough to make it apparent that he remembered her. Hal had gone off to give his report to Weaver.

"She was on her own," his father said from his seat on his own cot. "Hiding in a hospital that we stopped to check out. I recognized her as soon as I saw her."

"What about her parents?"

Tom shook his head sadly. "Tim and Elisabeth died in the first few days of the invasion. Marc was looking after her until he disappeared…"

"You mean…harnessed?" Ben asked. Alex hadn't made it clear what had become of her older brother but he had assumed that Marc's fate was similar to his own.

"Not sure," his dad replied. "She wouldn't say and I didn't want to press her on it…but you must be glad she's here. You guys used to be such good friends," he noted.

Ben nodded slowly. "We were." _Were _being the operative word in that statement. Under any other circumstances, he was certain they would have reconnected easily, picked up right where they'd left off in their friendship. But he wasn't so sure how she'd react once she found out about…_those things_.

Tom seemed to pick up on his son's usage of the past tense. "I'm sure you guys will reconnect in time." Ben nodded again, without enthusiasm, without certainty. The Mason patriarch rose slowly. "I should probably go talk to Weaver about the rest of our recon mission. I'll be back later, alright?"

Both Ben and Matt nodded and watched as their dad left.

"When can I see her?" Matt asked, turning to his older brother. "I wanna see Alex again!"

Ben smiled weakly. "I'm sure she can't wait to see you either. But I think Anne's still examining her right now." Matt looked a little let-down, prompting his brother to nudge him encouragingly. "But don't worry. I'll ask her to stop by when she gets out, just to say hi." Matt seemed to perk up at this. There was a pause in the conversation for a while, both boys clearly lost in what memories they had of those summers. Ben was aware that Matt's were probably far less detailed. "I'm…gonna go check on her," he excused himself from his little brother's company.

* * *

Lourdes was quietly stacking pill bottles into a cupboard near the back but she caught Ben's movement out of her peripheral vision, setting down an orange-tinted tube and turning to face him. He looked about, trying to locate Alex.

"Anne stepped out," Lourdes told him. "Do you need something?"

It took a minute for her words to register. "I was…uh…just looking for Alex," he said, now well aware that the girl wasn't in the room.

The assistant medic nodded understandingly. "Anne checked her out. She's doing alright, no worse for wear. I think she said she's a bit underweight but then again, we all are…"

Ben was relieved to hear that his friend was relatively healthy at least. "Do you know where she went?"

Lourdes shook her head. "Sorry," she apologized. "She left and went off in that direction," she pointed out the window at the tree line at the border of camp. "But she didn't say where she was going."

"Thanks," Ben said quickly, already dashing down the steps before Lourdes could reply. He suddenly wanted to talk to Alex very, _very _badly. He wanted to catch up, wanted to hear what had gone on with her. More than anything he wanted to feel like he had a friend.

It wasn't too hard to find her. With the harness came new skills and abilities, one of which was sharpened vision. Alex's footprints in the damp soil made it easy to follow her path into the woods. He finally found her sitting on the bank of a creek. They'd been using it to bring in fresh water for a few days now. She looked up when she heard him coming.

"Hey," she smiled.

"Hi." Ben sat himself down facing her, obscuring his side and his back from her view. There was a long pause between them. "So…what're you doing out here?"

"I dunno," Alex replied, an almost wistful tone in her voice. "I just…I wanted some space. Some place to think, you know?"

_Did he ever_. "Yeah, I get it."

"Hey…I wanted to ask you something…" Alex looked up at him and he waited for her to go on. "Earlier while I was in the med bus…there was another patient there. He said some stuff about you…" a frown appeared on her face. "He called you some name…I think he said razorback or something like that and then Dr. Glass' assistant shooed him out…what did he mean that—what he said, I mean?"

Ben's heart dropped into his stomach. At the very least, it appeared the guy hadn't elaborated on what the term meant. "It's…nothing. Just…a nickname, that's all."

Alex's eyes narrowed suspiciously and she shook her head. "I don't think so. The way he said it sounded like it was a…a bad thing."

"Can I ask you something?" Ben was looking directly into her brown eyes now, holding her gaze, trying to convey just how important his question would be. _You have to at least hint at it. _Maybe if she could figure it out on her own, she'd be more tolerant of his deformity.

"Anything."

"You know the aliens are taking kids right? Taking people our age and even younger?" Alex nodded. "D-do…do you know what they do to the kids afterwards?"

"Yeah…Marc and I ran into some of the taken kids before. They had these…these monsters on their backs. Did the aliens put those things on them?"

Ben nodded, cringing a bit at her terminology. "Harnesses," he corrected. "And we call the aliens 'skitters.'"

The girl paused to let the new names sink in. "Well…what do the harnesses do to the kids? Why do these 'skitters' put them on them?"

Ben hesitated, trying to phrase things so that Alex could understand without making it obvious that he knew _exactly _what they did to the kids. "They…control them. They…they mess with the kids' minds so that they follow the skitters' commands. And you can't take them off or it kills the kids." There was no point in bringing up the rest, about the communication through radio frequencies or the overlords controlling the skitters themselves or the fact that there _was _a way to remove the harness, though the side-effects remained undetermined. This explanation would suffice.

"That must be awful," Alex mused.

_You don't know the half of it. _"Is that what happened to Marc?" Ben asked. "Did they harness him?"

Alex shook her head. "No. No…if they tried, Marc would have fought them until he died. When he disappeared, I worried that they'd gotten to him but…I just _know _that he wouldn't have let that happen." She laughed humorlessly. "If currency still had any value I'd put money on it."

"So he's…dead?" Ben pressed, wanting to know for sure.

The girl nodded slowly, her eyes suddenly glassy and she brushed a strand of dark hair away from her face. Ben slid over next to her. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know how you feel though…they killed my mom, too."

It was obvious that his mother had never occurred to her and he knew that no one had told her from the way her eyes widened and she gasped shortly. "Oh, Ben…" She reached out, he felt her hand contact his back once, ready to lend a comforting rub. He tensed immediately at the contact as she hissed in pain and withdrew her hand. And there, in the semi-darkness, he could see that the poke from the spine had drawn blood. He cursed himself immediately for being so stupid as to slide next to her. But she still hadn't noticed. "Are you okay?" he asked, trying to play it off like it was nothing.

"Yeah," she was still glancing at her palm. "Just…something pricked me." And then she turned and caught sight of the three spike-tips peeking out from his shirt. "Ben? W-what's…what's that on your neck?" She reached out again but he grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Just listen, Alex," he hissed urgently. "I'll…I'll explain but don't be mad and _please _don't be scared…" She nodded vigorously. "Remember how I told you that the skitters were kidnapping kids?" She nodded again, realization suddenly flashed in her eyes.

"No…"

He nodded sadly. "I got kidnapped by them…and they put one of those harnesses on me. But Dr. Glass managed to get it off of me. "

"How?" Alex gasped. "I thought you said it kills them…"

Ben had to think a moment about how to explain it. "They…they burn them off like leaches," he finally said, drawing the best analogy he could. "The harness delivers a chemical to the kids' bodies…it's like a drug. So they have to use morphine to help stop kids from dying of withdrawal. But when it's all over, they're free. The spikes are embedded in my spine so they won't ever come out but…"

"That's what he meant by razorback," she mused aloud. Ben nodded again. "Ben, why didn't you tell me?"

He looked at her seriously now, almost desperately. "I didn't want you to be afraid of me…I didn't want you to avoid me all the time like everyone else around here." It was embarrassing to admit that he felt insecure, vulnerable, especially since he'd never told anyone before. But something about Alex's non-judgmental look put him at ease. She looked sympathetic, almost pained by what had been done to him.

"Ben…you know me better than that…" Her hand returned to his back, this time careful to avoid touching the spikes. They sat like that, silent, for what seemed like ages before Alex spoke again. "Did it hurt?"

He looked at her questioningly.

"The harness. Did it hurt when they put it on you?"

Ben chuckled mildly. "A lot. And they hurt sometimes now, too but…I'm getting used to it."

"So what did it do to you?" she asked, looking back out at the creek, taking up a small stone and skimming it across the water.

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, picking up a stone and sending it skipping across the stream as well. He was once again reminded of the summers spent with Alex, how they used to skim stones on the beach. It was always a contest—whose rock would skip the furthest. Alex almost always won but this time his rock traveled to the other side of the water before sinking.

Alex smirked, picking up a second stone and skipping it to the other side of the water as well. "I mean…you said the harness messes with your head. How did it…do that?"

Ben shrugged, fingering his second rock but not throwing it. "I mean…it just…it makes you do whatever they want you to do. It's almost like you're there and…you're not. You'd…you'd hurt your own family and friends if they told you to." He suddenly couldn't meet her eyes anymore, couldn't even look at her without feeling somewhat ashamed. He _had _hurt his family and friends after all. He'd taken Karen away from Hal, he'd shot his dad, he'd brought Hal to his _knees _and he'd basically led Jimmy straight to his death.

"But they can't make you do that now, right?" Concern flashed in her eyes and she ducked her head so that she could see his face clearly.

"No. I'm not connected to them anymore." Ben replied. _You can't tell her about Red-Eye. She wouldn't understand. You'll only freak her out more. _"I just wish everyone else would understand that," he added.

Alex smiled sadly at him. "People are afraid of what's different—we should know that more than anyone else, I mean our dads were history professors after all. Look at…at the civil rights movement or what the Nazis did. But…why do they think you're still connected to the aliens if they took the harness off?"

Ben shook his head and scoffed, shifting so that his arm was resting on top of his knee and staring at the water. "Some of the others still…acted like they were connected to them, I guess. And sometimes it seems like they're trying to get to me but…I figured out how to beat them."

"How?" It was clear that she was intrigued.

"Hate," he whispered. "Look what they did to me, to my mom, to your parents and Marc…I _hate _them. And if I hate them enough then they can't control me."

A look of indescribable sadness flashed across Alex's features.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head, dark locks swaying from side to side. "It's just that…the Ben Mason I spent all those summers with down at the beach and…talking about Harry Potter books…he wouldn't have said something like that."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed. "Did you ever think that maybe that's _how _they control you?" Ben frowned and shook his head, confused. "These…skitters. Seems like all they know is hate. They took over our planet and they're trying to kill us and it seems like they're doing it because they hate us…Maybe by hating them, you're actually becoming more like them. Maybe it's…love that keeps us human."

"How so?"

"They don't love, do they? But we do. Love is…love is what makes us different from them. If we lose that then we're just like them…not all skitters come in hideous, brown packages."

Ben froze. Alex's words almost perfectly echoed those of his father. Only…this time it almost made sense.

Alex shook her head again and spoke up, shattering the silence. "But that's just me thinking out loud."

He nodded slowly, rising and offering her a hand. "We should probably get back…it's late. Did they give you a place to stay?"

She shook her head. "Not yet."

Ben couldn't help but smirk. "I'd offer you a place in our tent but I don't think you'd wanna share with four guys."

Alex made a face and laughed. "It was barely tolerable with my brother around. Race you back?"

Ben shook his head. "I'm warning you, that harness made me faster, too."

She stuck her tongue out and took off running. "Then the head-start will make it fair!"

He took off running after her, picking his way carefully through the path. And for just those few, fleeting moments before reaching the rest of the 2nd Mass, it seemed almost like old times. Everything felt normal. Everything felt…right.

* * *

**A/N: Of course, lots of interesting ways to factor Alex in. I apologize for the choppiness but I really wanted some exposition in this chapter. We'll see more of that as time wears on and I hope you'll stick with this story because what I've got planned will make it much, **_**much **_**better I promise. As for tonight's episode, well Karen may seem like an ally but she reminds me so much of Isabelle Fuhrman in **_**Orphan**_**. There's something wrong with her… Anyway, I'd appreciate some reviews. I hope Alex doesn't come across as two-dimensional. I'll be giving her more introspection next chapter so you can see how she really thinks and how she's really reacting to Ben's reveal. Thanks for reading! **


	2. The Way Things Change

**A/N: I am genuinely thrilled with how well this story has been received so far. Like many of you, I often don't chance it on OC stories for fear of being disappointed. That's exactly why I strive to create interesting OC characters that integrate into the storyline. And I appreciate the whole lot of you that came out of the woodwork to support me, many of whom have read my other works. A big, hearty thank you to you all! This chapter, we'll see more of Alex's side of things, her introspection, how she feels, etc. Last chapter was Ben-centric (Ben-tric, it's a new word xD) and he'll be a major factor in this chapter too, but I feel like Alex needs more depth. Also: big news, big news, big news: if ya'll are on Twitter, you may have noticed that there is a Falling Skies roleplay community there. I don't actively participate but I enjoy reading and following along as they do their thing. Anyway, an intrepid reader (unnamed) requested permission to add Alex to the bunch! I was so excited and happy that someone liked her enough to add her in, so a big thanks there! (And I do have the info to log in as Alex Carter, so who knows? I may take over from time-to-time to steer things on the right course.) Anyway, that's a lot of talking. How about you read and review and I'll shut up? Deal?**

* * *

It was late by the time Captain Weaver managed to get her sorted out, in a small tent, barely big enough for one person and reminiscent of the tent she used to pitch in the backyard when she was younger. On the bright side, she didn't have to share with a total stranger. She had never been one for 'making small talk,' a testament to her sometimes shy nature. Besides, she wanted to be alone, _needed _to be alone after everything that had been revealed to her today.

Mr. Mason _had _made it out alive, just as her dad had hoped. _Is it you that led me here, Dad? You were so sure that he survived. Did you bring me here so that he could find me? _Whatever the case was, she was grateful that Mr. Mason had come across her hiding in the back room of that hospital. It had been weeks since Marc's disappearance (she couldn't bring herself to change 'disappearance' to 'death' in her head) and she was feeling desperately alone, still lingering in the area hoping that her big brother would just walk in the door and apologize for being late. But even despite this hope, she'd known she would have to leave eventually, keep pushing on and hoping that the aliens…the 'skitters'…wouldn't find her.

It was to be her last night in that hospital when the familiar face from her past stumbled in, evidently searching for medical supplies. She had been terrified at first, ducking down behind a rack and trying to keep out of sight. But the voice had been so familiar that she ventured a peek out. And when she saw the friendly face of her father's closest friend she felt disbelief, joy, _elation _wash over her.

But things…things were so different now. It was immediately apparent. Mr. Mason, who had always been a peace-loving man, was now carrying a gun. Alex wasn't surprised. Her father had always been a pacifist too, and in the days following the invasion he had begun wielding a gun like a pro. And then the aliens had killed her mother and her dad was never the same after that. It took less than a week for the aliens to find them hiding out in the ruins of an old house. And when they were discovered, her dad told her and Marc to run. She didn't see the flashes of light or hear the shots that ended his life, but she knew that her dad was dead. Which was why she was so glad that Mr. Mason had been the one to find her. He wasn't her dad, but he was the next best thing.

Even if he had changed. She remembered all those summers ago, down at the beach, when he would sometimes come and sit down on the sand and talk with her and Ben, tell them about battles fought ages ago, answering their curious questions. Or sometimes he and her dad would help them build sand castles, shaped just like historic architecture. The Taj Mahal was always her favorite to try to recreate, ever since they'd gone to visit her mother's parents in India. Ben had always preferred examples of American architecture. She grinned in the darkness of the tent as she remembered that one disastrous attempt they'd made at building a Washington Monument out of loose sand grains.

_That _was the life she missed. She missed going to that house, going down to the beach at sunrise to read or wade out into the surf. She missed the company of her parents, her brother. She missed the freedom, the lack of inhibitions. She missed _normalcy_. It was funny how the mundane things—things like a cell phone conversation or microwave popcorn or just walking down to the beach—were suddenly so out-of-the-ordinary, like they'd never existed. Things were so different now.

And Ben…Ben had changed the most. The first time she'd spotted him, she nearly hadn't recognized him. He was so much taller now, more serious looking, more…muscular. The Ben she remembered was the boy who was her height, sharing the same geeky interests she had, discussing scientific topics or the benefits of Griffyndor and Ravenclaw over Hufflepuff and Slytherin. And now, this Ben (she had to force the prefix _new_ out of her mind) was…grown. He was stronger…more handsome than she remembered. And his demeanor had changed even more than his outward appearance. He was clearly battle-hardened, grim, almost _angry_.

She had to wonder if it was the spikes doing it to him. She wasn't clear on what exactly those things called harnesses did, other than control kids. Marc had come in one day, mentioning spotting some kids with spikes in their backs laying dead in a roadside ditch. And of course she'd seen those monstrous things with her own two eyes, on the backs of children younger than herself. It was frightening to be so close to Ben with these different abilities. It was clear from the speed with which he'd caught up to her during their race back to camp that he had new capabilities beyond what he used to possess. Beyond what almost _anyone _could possess. It was enough to make her miss the carefree friend he used to be. She wasn't even sure if she could still call him a friend.

But he needed her, and Alex knew that most of all. It was evident from the contemptuous words the man in the med bus had spoken that he was not accepted here. He was an outsider, something to be feared. The hateful glances she would occasionally glimpse directed at him told her that clearly enough. And Ben was very much a person who needed social contact, needed friends. _How long has he been here without a friend in the world? _She knew how desperately lonely she had felt once Marc had vanished. It was unbearable for those few weeks. And Ben had been here for God-only-knew how long. Alone, with no one but his family to comfort him. And it was clear that his family was often preoccupied with other events, she hadn't even _seen _Hal except for a fleeting glimpse when Mr. Mason had brought her out of the hospital. Her heart broke for Ben.

School had always been tough. For her and for him. The kids pushed her around, called her names, cheated blatantly off of her tests and homework. And from their conversations, she knew he had similar experiences. So for supposedly grown men and women to be treating him the same way was almost disgusting to her. _Have we lost all love? All compassion? _

They hadn't located a cot or a permanent place for her yet, but the Captain had been kind and supplied her with as many sheets, blankets, and comforters as he could find. It didn't make the ground any less hard or cold, but at the very least she had a place to lay down and sleep fitfully, sleep comfortably, sleep without the fear that the alien creatures would come for her. She felt safe. She felt at _home_.

* * *

When Alex awoke it was daylight, soft sun streaming in through the reflective, orange canvas of the tiny tent. The voice outside was what woke her up and she was now in a sitting position, dark hair tangled in a mess, rubbing sleep from her dark brown eyes. She wasn't sure what to think, what to do. This wasn't a dangerous place anymore, at least not inherently.

The voice was a bit shy sounding, distinctly feminine. "Um…a-are you in there? I'm sorry, I don't remember your name…"

Alex frowned, trying to place the voice but she couldn't. She hardly knew anyone here but she knew she'd heard that voice before somewhere. "I-I'm here. Just…just give me a minute." She did her best to straighten out the tangled knots of hair before peeling back the many layers of blankets that covered her. Even fully-clothed in winter garb in addition to the quilts and sheets, she was still freezing. She pulled the tent flap back and squinted into the sunlight.

A slim, dark-haired girl stood in front of her and she remembered now. The girl was Dr. Glass' assistant but they'd never formally been introduced. Nonetheless, she offered what she hoped was a friendly smile. "Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi," the med assistant smiled back. "We…didn't get a chance to meet yesterday. I'm Lourdes Delgado. I work with Anne in the bus…"

"I remember," Alex smiled fully now, no longer trying to force it. "I'm Alexandra Carter…you can call me Alex."

"Glad to finally meet you," Lourdes' smile broadened. "Ben mentioned you a couple of times…"

"He did?"

Lourdes nodded. "Matt, too. Anne was trying art therapy to help the kids and Matt drew pictures of your family and his at a beach…" There was a slight pause and Lourdes continued to look down. "Well anyway, Anne sent me over with these," she handed the confused girl an old laundry bag. "She figured you'd need some changes of clothing so we dug up what we could. Not all of it fits but hopefully you can make do." Alex accepted the bag gratefully. "They're clean," Lourdes added as a reassurance. "Even if not all of them look it."

"Thanks so much." _Clean clothes_. That was a luxury she never thought she'd have again. She couldn't remember the last time she changed her clothing. Marc would come back with stuff occasionally but she often refused to wear any of it. They almost always smelled like death. Her stomach rumbled and it occurred to her how little she'd had to eat lately. Dr. Glass had given her some granola bars the night prior but had warned her not to overload herself to quickly, lest she throw everything back up. Lourdes seemed to notice the rumbling.

"Hungry?" she asked, a note of gentle humor in her voice.

"Am I that transparent?" It was remarkable how at-ease she felt with this girl who she'd just met.

The medic laughed. "Follow me, I'll show you to the mess hall."

It amazed her, quite frankly, that in the midst of all the chaos and hell around them, these people could build up such an organized, structured daily life. It was almost like a more nightmarish version of the lives they used to lead and, despite the obvious differences (no washing machines here) Alex found comfort in it. People were at least _trying _to carry on here, and that was something Marc hadn't been able to do since their parents died.

She frowned disdainfully at the oatmeal that was plopped into her bowl. It was gelatinous, moving in one congealed mass instead of loosely like the oatmeal she was used to. Lourdes must have noticed her wrinkling her nose because she quickly said, "The quality of food has gone down since our last cook left…don't worry, it's still edible." She found a seat quickly but Lourdes excused herself to check on patients in the bus, taking her tray with her.

The cup of black coffee did little to help the at-times disgusting texture of breakfast, but it was still a hot meal and a hot beverage and she hadn't had either in a long time. She nearly jumped when she felt hands gripping her shoulders and turned to find Ben grinning impishly at her. He looked exhausted as he slid in across from her.

"You look exhausted," she noted, wiping her mouth on a napkin.

Ben's face went somber. "Don't sleep much anymore," he mumbled, catching her look of concern. "Don't really need to…"

Alex shook her head. "Why not?"

"Perks of being de-harnessed?" he offered, but she could tell from his expression that there was something more, something he wasn't telling her. At the same time, she didn't want to press him. People around here were already giving him enough hell. And besides, she hadn't told him everything about her experiences since the invasion either. _You can't tell him. He'd never look at you the same way…_

She felt like they may have been having a moment until Hal slid in beside Ben. "Am I interrupting?" he asked. Ben shook his head and muttered something about going to get food. "Didn't get a chance to talk to you yesterday," Hal said after a few moments.

Alex shook her head. "No, you were busy…I didn't want to bother you."

"Where's Marc?"

She figured he'd ask her that. If she and Ben were similar in personality then Marc and Hal could practically have been the same person. They both played lacrosse, both loved sports, were both headstrong. And they would hang out all summer at the Vineyard. She almost didn't have the heart to tell him. _But you owe him that much, at least. _She had never been very close to Hal, in fact they'd largely been indifferent to one another, but here he was, being friendly nonetheless. "Marc's…gone," she finally said, staring into the depths of her oatmeal.

Hal sucked in a breath. "Oh." He hesitated. "I'm sorry."

She would _not _allow herself to cry here, in front of all of these people. She just shook her head and took in a gasp of air to calm herself. "No it's…it's fine." It was awkwardly silent after that and it occurred to her how little she actually knew about Hal Mason. There was nothing she could fall back on to try to make conversation and it was obvious from his slightly uncomfortable expression that he was stuck in a similar dilemma.

Ben returned, much to her relief, and Hal spotted a blonde woman entering the large, communal tent. After ascertaining that the two would be fine on their own, he excused himself to catch up with her. "So…what do you guys do around here?" she finally asked, realizing how ill-informed she was of the way the group worked. A week ago, she hadn't even known organized resistance existed and now she was being thrust straight into the middle of it.

"Well," Ben drew out the word, "I have a mission…"

"Mission?" _This was new_.

Ben nodded. "I'm part of the resistance now." It was such a nonchalant tone that he used on what would ordinarily have been considered a _big _deal. "If you want, I could ask Captain Weaver if you could join us."

"What are you doing?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Scouting mission," he shrugged. "We're trying to plot a route to Charleston."

"What's in Charleston?" she swallowed a bitter mouthful of gritty coffee and relished the warm feeling in her stomach, despite her mouth's protests.

"Supposedly, a new government. Captain wants to get there soon, there's supposed to be tons of survivors there."

_More survivors? _"S-so…you're going to go out there and chart a course…what if the skitters find you?"

Ben grinned. "I have a gun for that. If you're going to join us, I could get—"

"No!" she interrupted, suddenly terrified. "I-I never want to touch a gun." _Again_.

He didn't look surprised. _Ben may have changed, but obviously I haven't. _Only she had. She just hadn't told anyone yet.

"I mean, you were into science and biology, right? Maybe Anne and Lourdes could use your help in the infirmary."

"Maybe…" she said mindlessly, feeling cold now.

Ben glanced at his watch. "Well, I have to report soon so I should get going. It's just me and Hal going on the run so we shouldn't be too long." He collected her tray too and took it off to be washed. "Oh! Before I forget, Matt wants you to stop in sometime and say hi."

Alex smiled at this. The last time she'd seen Matt he had been very young, barely out of his toddler years. _What does he look like now? _Ben had changed so much. Even Hal, who she had never been very familiar with, seemed more withdrawn, more hardened now.

She watched Ben walk out of the tent, offering her a brief smile of encouragement before heading out of sight. _He's a soldier now_. Again she was forced to reflect on the fact that he had once been the kid who got pushed-around. Like her. And now he was in control. She found herself wishing she could find that confidence too.

_There must be something I can do to help_. Ben had suggested asking Anne or Lourdes if she could help them out but she cleared the thought out of her mind quickly. The space was tight, she'd only be in their way. Furthermore, she had no practical experience and, as much fun as studying biology was, actually looking at wounds and blood was much different. She didn't have the stomach for that.

Though _stomach _did give her a good idea. She didn't fancy herself a good cook but she wasn't a _bad _one. And Lourdes had mentioned that the quality of food had gone down…_If I'm going to help, the mess hall is as good a place as any to start. _

Assimilation. As the daughter of a Harvard history professor, she knew the term meant the process by which one became part of a new group, family, country, religion, etc. The immigrants that came to Ellis Island and settled in New York experienced assimilation. Her mother experienced it coming from India as a little girl. But Alex had always considered herself lucky never to find herself in that situation. She went to a private school from preschool to eighth grade with the same group of kids and while some tormented her, she had a few consistent friends too. High school was virtually the same. Her friends all went to the same prestigious high school as her and they stuck close. Now, though, after all of this, she truly understood what it meant to be an outsider. _What Ben must have felt like all this time_. Well now it was her turn. Now began the tough process known as assimilation.

* * *

**A/N: I'll end here for now. Just for an idea on the timeline, this is just before the events of 'Young Bloods.' We see Hal and Ben on their scouting mission in that episode. This is what happened just before said mission. And next chapter will also cover things from Alex's POV. I know a lot of you liked Ben's perspective and we'll go back to that, too, don't worry. But I find it unnecessary to fill in what you already know from Ben's POV. Anyway, what did you think? I wonder what Alex's secret(s) is/are? Anyone want to speculate? You can do that AND tell me what you like/dislike in a magical review! They have the power to make this guy really happy :D **

**PS , JUST A SIDE NOTE: Lourdes' last name is listed as 'Delgado' in the comic series from Dark Horse, which is considered canon since TNT commissioned it. I didn't just make it up! **

**Those of you into 'chapter playlists,' here's what I listened to while writing this up:**

**Every Road—The Maine**

**Ocean Avenue—Yellow Card**

**Kryptonite—3 Doors Down**

**It Could All Be Gone Tomorrow—Mandy Michelle Martin**

**Clair de Lune—composed by Claude Debussy, guitar version played by James Edwards (this was actually used in the episode 'Young Bloods' at the very end) **


	3. My Oldest and Best Friend

**A/N: Whoo! New chapter! I'm excited with the places I can take this story now that they've done what they did to the storyline (no spoilers)! This, again, picks up during Young Bloods, now when Ben and Hal bring Diego and company back to the 2****nd**** Mass. We got to see a lot of Hal and Diego and Weaver and Jeanne and I decided I should give Ben something to do in the meantime. Anyway, love the support I've gotten so far and I hope you guys will keep it up! Also, if you'd like to know who I personally would cast as Alex Carter, my choice would be Naomi Scott. Her character on Terra Nova had this sort of sweet innocence mixed with wary caution. So there ya go. Look her up if you don't know what she looks like. Sorry if you had someone else in mind, but like I said that's just my personal opinion.**

* * *

The mess hall, as it turned out, needed as much help as possible and they were more than happy when Alex volunteered to join the crew. The food supply, she learned, had been running thin until scouts had come across a green grocer that hadn't been touched. She hadn't seen so many cans of food and bags of rice since before the invasion happened.

She quickly learned the brisk pace of 'kitchen life.' When they were done cleaning up breakfast, they jumped right into cooking lunch. When they finished that, it was lunchtime and they had to serve the food. Once the last of the people cleared out it was a mad rush to clean up and prepare dinner for a couple hundred hungry civilians. It kept her on her toes, didn't let her mind wander, which was a good thing because letting her mind wander could only lead to more memories of pain, loss, and...things she would rather forget.

And the people in the kitchen, terrible cooks as they were, were nice enough to her. Some were about her age but most were older folks who really had nowhere else they could be useful. They were a largely silent bunch, keeping to themselves for the most part. She understood. People didn't like to talk these days and she couldn't blame them. Grieving was something best done in private.

It was well after dark when she heard the noises of motorcycle engines. The dinner rush was over and they were just cleaning up but she'd saved plates for Ben and Hal. She ran to go fetch them but stopped in her tracks when she heard the commotion being raised. Turning, she saw that the two boys were not alone. A group of kids had come with them, all looking half-starved and disheveled. It was instinct. She rushed off with the rest of the kitchen staff and joined the mob of people now approaching the group. Some looked intrigued or confused. Many looked hostile.

Words were exchanged but she was standing too far in the back to make them out clearly. Captain Weaver was saying something and then a girl leapt into his arms, hugging him closely. A steady murmur rose from the crowd.

"What's going on?" she whispered to the man standing beside her.

"More mouths to feed, that's what," he grumbled. She stared at him, mouth hanging open. _Had he really just said that? _Was there really that little compassion in these people that they couldn't even see it fit to help some clearly underfed, unattended kids? She wanted to say more but not even her outrage gave her enough courage to speak out.

Turning to the woman on her other side, she repeated the question. The woman seemed much more excited. "That girl is Captain Weaver's daughter!" she replied, barely able to contain herself.

_What? _It was funny because Captain Weaver had struck her as a solitary figure, grizzled and at times grouchy. He'd been nice enough to her up front but it didn't change his hardened tone and posture. She never would have pegged him as a father. "How do you know that?" she asked.

The woman shrugged. "Well that's what everyone else is saying." And then she walked off to spread the word to everyone within earshot.

Alex continued to watch the scene unfold for a few minutes, observing the captain's interactions with his daughter. It made her long for her own father, for those warm hugs that only he could give. It made her long for family, _any _family. But she didn't have any of _that _anymore. Just the Masons and a group of survivors that were all loosely connected through shared misery. She left when she felt the tears pressing at her own dark eyes, building pressure. _Keep it together, Alex. Brooding helps nothing_.

When she got back to the kitchen, she found the staff had re-fired the cook tops to prepare food for the new arrivals. In the meantime, she thought to bring the prepared food to Hal and Ben, who were no doubt starving since they'd missed lunch. _Then again, we've all become accustomed to surviving on less food. _

"Hey," she slid in beside Ben as he perched on a crate, the gun lying across his knees.

"Hey," he responded, not looking up.

"What's wrong?" she asked, gripping his shoulder.

Ben sighed and turned to look at her. "It's just that…nothing…"

"Uh-huh," she replied disbelievingly. "Brought you some food," she set the plate down on the crate beside him. "Thought you might be hungry."

"Thanks," he murmured absently, letting the gun fall to the ground at his feet. He stared at the plate for a long time.

"Don't tell me you don't eat anymore either," she said.

"No," Ben shook his head. "It's not that." A ghost of a smile crossed his lips and he turned to her once more. "I was just remembering my mom and yours…cooking together. It was their favorite thing to do."

She felt a smile tugging at her own lips, a sad, reminiscent one. The memories of those times had faded and now, being with Ben, they were slowly being drawn to the surface once more. She got the sense that the same thing was happening to him. "Yeah…"

"You never told me what happened to her," Ben observed gently, like he was unsure if he was crossing some unwritten line.

"What's there to tell?" she asked, willing away the tears and sad thoughts. _He just wants to know. You should tell him. _"We all made it out of the initial bombing…"

She could see it all unfolding again. Since the first aliens appeared, the newspapers and television media had warned people to be cautious. Peace talks were being negotiated between the aliens and the delegates to the United Nations, according to reports. Her father had forbidden everyone from going outside until more news broke so they were hunkered down. And then the first explosion hit Boston, completely obliterated Back Bay all the way to the Roxbury. Brighton was initially left unscathed, out of the immediate blast radius.

"…but the aliens kept dropping bombs and they eventually hit Brighton too and…Mom got hit while we were running." There was more to the story. _So much more_. But that was all Ben had asked for and that was all she intended to give. She wasn't ready to face the rest of it yet, hadn't even admitted it all to herself.

The explanation seemed to satisfy Ben because he nodded sympathetically.

"How'd they get yours?" she asked tentatively, afraid he might not be ready to discuss it. But he looked like he had been expecting her to ask.

"She went with a friend to gather supplies," he said. "Didn't tell Dad or anyone and…the skitters found them. The weight of her pack slowed her down and she just couldn't get away in time." His voice had a forlorn quality to it.

Alex looked down, couldn't bring herself to look in Ben's eyes and try to decipher what he was feeling.

"I miss her, Alex," there was a painful crack in his voice, like he was ready to break down sobbing.

"I know," she said softly, wrapping and arm around him and leaning against him in a comforting hug. "I miss my mom, too." They may have been forced to grow up a lot since the invasion started, but they were still just kids in the end, weren't they?

"She…she's the only one who would understand." It was obvious from his voice that he was choking back tears, trying to outwardly stay strong. She tried to think of all those times kids picked on her in school. It wasn't easy. It was painful to remember that kind of emotion but it couldn't hold a candle to what Ben must be feeling now.

"Hey," she whispered. "I don't care what they say about you…you're still Ben. You're still my oldest and best friend." She was leaning against him now, the hug tightening around his shoulders.

"Thanks, Alex," he sniffed after a minute.

"I should get back," she said. "They…probably still need my help feeding the rest of those kids."

"Yeah," Ben nodded. She rose quietly, offered him one last encouraging smile and then walked off. _You're still my oldest and best friend_. Just earlier that day she'd been questioning whether or not Ben could even be considered a friend anymore. _Yes_. Yes he could be. Because he _needed _a friend, even more than she did.

She felt much better after getting some food into the kids that the boys had brought in. They were all visibly improved, starting to brighten up. It made her feel…good to see them recovering like that. It offered her hope that maybe there was a chance they'd make it out of this alive. She'd been going in circles in the weeks since Marc died, lost without any hint of direction.

She was ready to turn in for the night, thoroughly exhausted, when she heard engines revving. Instinctively, she took off running to see what was going on and was less than pleased to spot Ben, Hal, the kids, and several others gearing up to leave, a pickup full of supplies with them.

"Where are they going now?" she muttered. But the answer didn't come. _Of course not, everyone's too busy to answer any of your questions._

She watched with growing unease as the group headed out and vanished into the dark night. She tried to calm herself down, tell herself that it was nothing, that they'd be back soon. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen. It was a restless night in the little orange tent. The ground was cold and her uneasiness kept her awake long after any reasonable person should be. The frantic sound of motorcycle engines brought her back out of the tent well after midnight.

The camp, or at least those still awake, were in uproar. From what she could pick up from hushed conversations and frantic screaming, the remainder of the kids had been taken by the aliens…skitters…and were at risk of being harnessed. A jolt of fear froze the blood in her veins. _I knew something terrible was going to happen. _She wanted to go see Ben, ask him how things were looking, but he was in Captain Weaver's tent with the others and she really wasn't important enough to walk in there unbidden. Nor was she outspoken enough. She resolved to sitting outside her own tent, watching for activity and chewing at her nails—a nervous habit that she'd been trying to break until this invasion happened.

After some time, the leader of the group of kids emerged from the tent with Captain Weaver's daughter and a few others. They headed to their vehicles and looked ready to leave when Matt appeared and spoke with them. She couldn't make out what was being said but something in her told her that this wasn't right, that Matt shouldn't be out here, shouldn't be talking to those people. But yet, she couldn't find it in her to say anything about it. _Mr. Mason knows he's there. He has to. Matt will be fine. _And with a nervous feeling still hanging over her, she went back to her tent and tried to get rest.

* * *

**A/N: Thought I'd leave off there. Alex isn't exactly accustomed to late-night schedules so it stands to reason that she'd be tired. Wanted to draw out more of her own insecurities with speaking up since she's still the new girl around here and no one seems to want to give her the time of day. Anyway, thanks for reading (again). I hope you'll review because I've got so many places I want to take this story! Can't hardly wait! **

**Chapter musical playlist thingy (does anyone actually read or care about these?)**

**-When I Look At You—Miley Cyrus (now normally I can't stand her music or image but this song actually…pacified me, oddly enough)**

**-A Thousand Years—Christina Perri (one of those songs I'll never admit I listened to if you see me in person but I'll happily go home and enjoy it…) **

**So thurr ya go! Please review, it's not too hard. See? There's a helpful little boxy thingy down below for you to type in. You can follow/favorite the story and me too if you feel so inclined :) **


	4. Moving On, Holding Back

**A/N: Another chapter coooooomin up! Again, thrilled that there is support for this story because, to be honest, my OC stuff is rarely well-received. (OC stuff in general is rarely well-received.) I do plan to keep this going through season 2's storylines. I'm having fun playing around in the background trying to write Alex in. Now I don't view episodes over and over on pay-per-view so please forgive minor continuity errors, I source all my info from episode recaps. If you notice something glaringly obvious, please point it out to me in a PM or a review and I'll correct it. Thanks again for the loving support you guys give. Without you all, I'd kind of be unable to write anything. Wanna review and keep it alive?**

* * *

The mess hall was chaotic come morning and Alex heard many accounts of what 'really' went on the night before as she doled out helpings of cereal to hungry people. The gossip she picked up purported that the children had been kidnapped by aliens and a group of 2nd Mass fighters had gone to save them. This was sprinkled with various tales of a supposed 'harness factory' and a few murmurs about Captain Weaver being injured and his daughter having left. She wasn't sure how much she should believe and how much was fiction but she was fairly certain _all _of it was sensationalized.

Ben arrived late that morning, just as they were cleaning up, and sat down quietly by himself. She noticed him eyeing her as she wiped down one of the portable cook tops and slid in to the bench across from him as soon as she was done.

"Not eating?" she asked disapprovingly.

"Not hungry," he replied, reaching into his pocket and sliding something across to her. She stared down at the small, rectangular object wrapped in shiny paper. _Chewing gum_!

"Where'd you find this?" she asked, picking the stick of gum up slowly, a smile of wonderment crossing her features.

Ben grinned secretively. "Hal found a pack. Don't tell him I took one for you."

She put the gum into her mouth. "My lips are sealed." Silence settled between them, thick and uncomfortable, and she fidgeted with the wrapper for a little bit before finally speaking up again. "So what happened last night?"

He looked pained at the mention of the previous night's events. "Where should I start?"

"Where did you guys go?" she asked.

"We were taking supplies out to those kids holed up in the warehouse," he told her. "But…when we got there...it was a mess. The skitters took them."

Alex's eyes widened. "Where did they take them?"

"Harnessing facility," Ben said quickly, as if the words were cursed.

She understood immediately. Whatever this 'harnessing facility' was, it pained him to talk about it. Who could blame him? What those skitters put him through must have been traumatic. "So then what?"

"Well we came back here to plan out our next move, but Diego and the kids that came here with him got impatient and took off…with Matt."

She gasped audibly now, nearly inhaling the chewing gum, trying to picture little Matt Mason being kidnapped by those monsters. It also reminded her that she had yet to go see him like he wanted her to. He was still a four-year-old in her head. "Is he okay? Did they hurt him?" She refrained from asking if they harnessed him.

"No," Ben shook his head, a distant look crossing his features. "No. We got there just in time."

She released the breath she'd been holding in. "Where is he now?" she asked.

Ben almost chuckled. "In trouble with Dad."

She thought back to the previous night and felt guilt. Why hadn't she stopped Matt when she had the chance, when she _saw _him talking to that group of kids? Once again, her fear to act had almost gotten someone killed. _At least this time no one actually got hurt. _"Is it true what they're saying? That Captain Weaver's hurt?"

The sandy-haired boy scratched the back of his head, looking around the room. "Yeah," he drew the word out. "One of those harness things bit his leg. Dr. Glass thinks it's infected."

"_Bit_?" she repeated, feeling the goose bumps rising on her skin. "They're…_alive_?"

The boy froze then and she could almost see the gears turning in his head. "Well…not exactly," he began. "They're…sort of like parasites…"

She shivered. "Like leeches?" she asked, recalling their previous conversation on the removal of the monstrosities.

"Yeah," Ben smiled. "Like leeches." And then he laughed a little, too.

"What's so funny?" Alex asked, the smile overtaking her features before she even knew what they were smiling about.

"Nothing," Ben shook his head. "I was just…remembering that one camping trip we took when we were, like, nine. You remember, right?"

She did remember. And now she knew why he was laughing. "I remember. Your brother got a leech stuck on his foot…"

"And he kept hopping around, freaking out, screaming 'get it off, get it off!'" The image of ten-year-old Hal Mason frantically trying to ward off the little bloodsucker overtook them for a moment. Ordinarily it wouldn't have been that funny but maybe it was the reminiscing, maybe it was the fact that they could both share in the humor, or maybe it was just the fact that there was so _little _to laugh about these days. Either way, the mood lifted for a moment.

"We're supposed to be moving out soon," Ben said once they had stopped laughing. And just like that the mood was somber again, serious. They were no longer two old friends laughing about fond childhood mishaps but rather two survivors of an alien apocalypse. And there was nothing funny about that.

"When?"

"As soon as Captain Weaver's up. He's resting right now but he said he'd like to leave before nightfall so we're packing up. We're trying to make it to Richmond before we stop to recharge." At this he rose and she rose with him. "See you later?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "See you later." Ben sighed and began to walk out. "Ben?" she called after him. The boy turned around. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, but he didn't look too convincing. "I'm fine." He left without another word but she could have sworn there was something…_off_ about him today, like he was shaken up. Again she said nothing. _If he wants to talk, he'll talk._ But she couldn't help feeling like she should be making more of an effort to get him to open up. She _wanted _to make more of an effort to get him to open up. She could see from his eyes that there was so much unsaid and it was impossible not to feel a bit hurt by the fact that he didn't fully trust her.

* * *

She was rolling up her tent when Matt came to her. She recognized him instantly from the tangled mop of curly, blond hair. He was taller now, more serious looking, but his face was still the same, exactly as she remembered it. She dropped the fluorescent, orange canvas and smiled. "Hi, Matt!"

"Hi," he returned shyly, eyes focused more on the tent than on her. He looked almost sad.

"What's wrong?" she asked, a bit hurt when he didn't accept the hug she offered the little boy. "You remember me, right?"

"Yeah," he replied, sitting down on a barrel nearby and resting his chin on his hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't come visit you earlier," she apologized, stooping so that she was closer to his height. "Ben told me you wanted to see me but I got so sidetracked…"

"It's okay."

It was like pulling teeth to get more than a monosyllabic response from the kid. "I heard all about what happened yesterday…"

"You did?" he sounded less than thrilled.

She nodded her head. "I heard you were really brave."

"Really?" The child's note of surprise was unmistakable. "I mean…yeah…I was," he recovered. "But…Dad doesn't think so."

Alex hesitated, unsure of what to say or if it was even her place to say it. But the nine-year-old needed some encouragement. "That's not true," she said. "I think he just wants you to be careful."

"See?" Matt huffed, frustrated. "Everyone wants me to be careful, like I'm some little kid! I want to fight! I want to be like my dad and Hal and Ben! I have to be strong!"

It was a rueful smile that spread across her face now, one that communicated every ounce of regret that a child so young had to say things like that. _Let's not forget that you aren't exactly an adult either_. But it was easier to mourn for someone else's lost childhood than her own. "You can be strong and still be careful," she advised. It reminded her of her brother. That's what she'd warned him of, too. She could still hear his voice in her head if she thought about it, could still see his shaggy, dark hair and his serious dark eyes.

"_I'm going to go scrounge up supplies. Just lay low and try not to get spotted."_

_She didn't want him to go. She was afraid. "Marc, wait! Just…just stay here. Please."_

_He glanced around the room of the hospital they'd been hiding out in for nearly a week. "We're running low on supplies, Alex. I have to go."_

_She nodded, eyes wide and fearful. "Be careful," she peeped. _

"_I'll do my best," he sighed, rubbing his face with a tired hand. She hadn't noticed until that moment what a toll the invasion had taken on him. He was once so full-of-life, always cracking jokes or poking fun at her. And now, since their parents had died, he had become so serious. The dark bags under his eyes grew more and more pronounced with each day and she sometimes wondered if he was ever going to move past those deaths. "But I have to be strong, yeah?"_

"_You can be strong and still be careful," she pointed out. _

"_Just…lay low, okay? I'll be back soon." _

_She nodded and watched him leave. That was the last time she saw her brother. He never came back from that foraging mission. It took her another full week to admit he probably never would. _

"I have to go help my dad pack everything up," Matt said.

"Yeah," she breathed. She wasn't in the mood to talk much anymore anyway. She kept rolling up the tent. It was early evening when she finished and sat with the rolled up tent and the sack of clothing that she'd unpacked and repacked if only to have something to do. They had distributed food for the road and packed up the cook tops.

"Hey," she looked up and spotted the friendly face of Lourdes coming closer.

"Hi," she replied.

"Mind if I sit?" Lourdes asked. Alex motioned to the crate beside her.

"I heard they scrounged up some camping supplies," the medic stated. "When we get to Richmond, they'll probably give you your own tent. Like a regular one, not that thing."

"That'll be nice," Alex mused, gazing distractedly up at the sky. She was acutely aware that Lourdes was staring with her. She didn't know why she started talking but she did. Maybe it had something to do with this kind-hearted warmth that the medic exuded. "Do you…do you believe there's anyone up there?" she asked the girl.

Lourdes fingered the crucifix at her neck absently. "Yeah," she replied, pulling her eyes from the sky to the younger girl next to her. "Yeah I do. I believe that there's a God up there who's looking out for us. And all of those we lost," she added.

Alex sighed. "Sometimes I think that maybe my parents and my brother are up there but…" she shook her head. "I don't know. How's the captain?" she asked, changing the subject.

"He's fine," Lourdes replied. "He's actually starting to move about now. We'll probably be heading out in a bit. Do you have a vehicle assignment yet?"

Alex shook her head. "No…I didn't know I needed one."

"It's fine. We've got empty seats on the med bus, I'm sure Anne won't mind. We're loading up now, why don't you bring your stuff."

"Thanks," Alex said, rising and grabbing her possessions. "For everything…you're practically the only one here who even knows I exist."

Lourdes offered her an encouraging smile. "It's never easy being the new girl," she lamented. "Here," she pointed to the bus.

* * *

It was close to nine that night when the Captain finally ordered they move out. Dr. Glass insisted on keeping him onboard the bus for observation and Alex watched him out of her peripheral vision. She'd become intrigued with the leader who seemed to bury so much of himself inside. Maybe she was so fascinated by him because she could relate. He drifted in and out of sleep for the most part, occasionally waking up and staring out the window with a look of indescribable sadness. She knew that his daughter left, it was obvious by her absence all day. She felt pity for the old man and briefly wondered what kind of turmoil he was going through. But her respectful fear of the captain outweighed her sympathy for him and she kept any and all thoughts to herself. The bus pressed on and she found herself staring ahead, hoping that maybe leaving this area would allow her to finally come to terms with everything that had happened.

* * *

**A/N: Again, trying to keep up with the canon storylines while playing in the background. Next chapter will, obviously, cover **_**Love and Other Acts of Courage**_**. I think there's the potential for several good Alex scenes there. Anyway, until next time, please review! **

**Musical playlist thingy:**

**-Help, I'm Alive—Metric  
That's it though, I listened to some other stuff and it didn't speak to me. Go figure. Now about those reviews…**


	5. Ever the Same

**A/N: I'm baaaaack! So last chapter's review total was a disappointing ONE. (Thanks, WhisperMaw!) That's okay, I'm staying upbeat and I know I have readers. Or at least I hope the graphs aren't lying to me. I'm picking up again with this episode, set shortly before "Love and Other Acts of Courage." This is sort of a 'filler.' I figured it's time Alex got in on what's going on in the 2****nd**** Mass a bit more than she did before. Never fear, her shy nature will keep her from speaking out too much and it's obvious that she won't be let in on EVERYTHING. Still, I felt bad keeping her in the total dark. We've seen that she's too shy to make any other real friends besides Ben, save Lourdes who was being compassionate. Anyway, cut the chatter, just read and review. Read and review :)**

* * *

Richmond was just like the rest of the places she'd been since they'd escaped Boston. A wasteland full of crumbled buildings and shelled out cars. It heightened her hope that Charleston would be everything it had been purported to be. Running water, tons of food, a chance to go to school again, to make friends… Ben had withdrawn from her of late. He'd withdrawn from everyone. Sometimes they would go a whole day without uttering a word to one another beyond a greeting in the mess hall. Captain Weaver had set up a nice camp in a secluded area and she was beginning to settle in.

He'd given her a more stable tent, one that was bigger than the little orange thing she kept rolled up in her backpack and it seemed the group was beginning to dig their heels in. Alex was confused and a bit frightened at this. When she and Marc hunkered down it was always in some sort of abandoned building and it was always just the two of them. They didn't dare venture outside after dark and they would never use things like fire for fear the aliens would spot them. But Captain Weaver didn't seem at all afraid of that. Maybe it had something to do with the number of guns at the group's disposal. Nonetheless she still felt wary, always glancing over her shoulder to make sure there weren't any of those monsters following her.

There never were any monsters following her, just the ones she invented in her head. Or the ones that haunted her at night. It was lunchtime and she was doling out helpings of canned green beans to hungry civilians. She smiled a little despite herself when Matt eyed his tray disdainfully.

"Not a green bean fan?" she asked.

"They're gross," Matt replied, starting to move out of the way so the person behind him could get their helping. "Hey Alex?"

"Yeah?" she replied, scooping out more of the vegetables for the next person.

"Have you seen Ben?"

"No," Alex frowned, reaching into her memory to try and remember the last time she'd seen her sandy-haired friend. "I…thought he was with you guys."

"Uh-uh," the boy shook his head. "No one knows where he is."

"I'm sure it's fine," the girl responded, trying to assuage the nine-year-old's fears though she could feel her own building. "Don't worry."

"That's what Dad said," Matt mumbled, walking toward one of the tables. Alex shook her head sadly. Ben had been disappearing off and on all week. At first, she'd thought he was on patrol. She hadn't asked, of course. It wasn't her business after all. But Matt's concern had her worried. Ben wasn't the type to go AWOL without good reason. She vowed to find out more after lunch.

* * *

Alex took a quick peek into the Masons' tent but Ben wasn't anywhere to be found. Hal looked up, evidently having heard her outside, and set down the red pen he was using to trace over routes on a map. "Hi, Alex," he greeted.

"Um, hi," she replied, sauntering into the tent slowly. Clothes, books, weapons, and other personal effects lay strewn about and she sat down on the end of one of the cots slowly, hesitantly.

"Looking for Ben?" the eldest Mason boy guessed, turning back to the map.

"Yeah," she answered. "Have you…have you seen him around anywhere?"

"Not since this morning."

"Oh…does he have, like a patrol or something?" she asked his back. She felt like they were kids again, when Marc and Hal would disappear into one of the beach house's rooms and shut the door on their younger siblings, loudly proclaiming that the club was 'for big kids only.'

"Nah," Hal answered, turning around once more. "His patrols are in the evening."

Alex pursed her lips for a moment. "Isn't…anyone worried?" _Maybe I'm just crazy. _

The boy sighed in frustration. "Ben…does whatever he wants to do, whether we like it or not. He's not the same anymore."

She frowned because it seemed odd to her. Ben seemed exactly the same around her and yet his own brother was saying otherwise? Granted, Hal and Ben hadn't always seen eye-to-eye. There was an obvious conflict of personalities and they had their fair share of tussles but they were always full of that odd sort of love only siblings have and understand. And at the end of the day they were still close to one another. "What changed about him?" she asked. _Am I too blind to see it?_

"He's…a lot more stubborn now. He doesn't talk to me anymore, especially not since Jimmy died."

"Who's Jimmy?"

Hal rubbed a tired hand over his face as his expression clouded over with some sort of forlornness. "So he didn't tell you." It wasn't a question, just a statement, but she shook her head anyway. "Jimmy was a kid…not even the same age as you guys. He was Ben's patrol partner—they were out on patrol and…a skitter got to 'em."

She got the sense there was more to the story but it was clear Hal wasn't going to elaborate. She could certainly understand why Ben would be changed by something like that—witnessing a friend die. It made her sad just to think about it.

"Haven't had a chance to talk to you in a while," Hal stated, going back to the map and changing the subject. "Weaver's got me going over routes to Charleston. How are you?"

"Fine," Alex frowned, confused why her friend's older brother was suddenly taking an interest in her life. It occurred to her that he was probably just as lonely as the rest of them, looking for some connection to his old life. _Too bad Marc's not here anymore. _"I started working in the mess hall."

"Yeah," Hal nodded. Another uncomfortable silence settled on the two of them, the only sound being that of the pen tracing lines. "How did you and Marc even get all the way to Virginia?" he suddenly asked as he pored over the large sheet spread out before him.

She sighed, thinking. "We just ran," she replied simply. "Marc led the way…he kept saying if we kept on the move they'd never find us so…we ran by day and hid at night and if we found someplace secure then we'd lay low and rest for a few days."

"Smart," he replied, a note of admiration in his voice though she sensed it was more for her deceased brother than it was for her.

"Well it kept us alive," she responded.

"It's good you're here," he turned around again and eyed her earnestly. "People have been treating Ben like dirt ever since he got back. He's been alone and no one wants to come near him…I'm just glad he's got someone to talk to." He took a breath and nodded his head slowly to reaffirm his statement.

She felt a little pride welling up in her chest. Maybe she was making a difference, not to the whole 2nd Mass but at least to Ben. And that's really what mattered at the end of the day.

"Hey, Hal!" Alex looked up as a blonde-haired woman entered the tent, a grin plastered to her face. She shrunk away as the woman looked curiously at her. Alex recognized her as one of the scouts who had found her that day but they'd never been formally introduced.

"Maggie!" Hal lit up. "Uh, this is Alex Carter. She's an old friend of the family. Alex, meet Maggie."

"I remember you. You were at the hospital that day," Maggie said, smiling politely to her. "How have you been settling in?"

"F-fine," Alex replied, feeling a little uneasy around her.

Maggie nodded and then turned to Hal. "Weaver sent me to help you chart a route since you obviously can't read maps."

"Ha ha," Hal answered sarcastically, offering his seat to the scout. Alex took advantage of the opportunity to leave wordlessly, not wanting to interrupt or observe what was clearly becoming a moment between the two of them.

As she returned to her tent, she spotted Ben just re-entering the camp. "Ben!" she called, racing over to him. He looked up, confused for a moment before spotting her.

"Hey Alex," he responded unenthusiastically, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

"Where were you? I got worried."

"Out," he shrugged. "Just walking. Thinking."

"Is that where you've been going? For walks?" Alex fell into step beside him.

"Yeah," he answered shortly. "Guess you could say that."

"Then what is it?" she nudged him.

"Nothing," he sighed resignedly.

"Your brother told me about your friend Jimmy," she said. "I'm really sorry."

Ben turned on her forcefully and she flinched momentarily, surprised at the anger and hurt written on his face. "I didn't kill him!"

"I didn't say you did!" She looked self-consciously to the people now looking at them, watching the scene play out.

The boy relaxed a little, a twinge of guilt playing across his face. "Sorry," he murmured.

She gripped his shoulder gently. "You aren't the only one who's made mistakes, Ben…mistakes that have cost people."

He looked surprised. "What do you mean?"

_No. You shouldn't have said anything. _"Nothing," she answered. "Just…thinking out loud, that's all. I'm glad you're back."

He nodded uncertainly. "Yeah, me too…"

"I should go," she excused herself, heading off with her arms wrapped around her torso, biting her lip. _You can't tell him what happened. He'll never want to be near you again._

* * *

**A/N: Alex has a secret. I wonder what it is that would make Ben view her so differently? Care to speculate? Like I said, this was just a filler chapter. I figured something needed to bridge the gap between the end of Young Bloods and the beginning of Love and Other Acts of Courage. And I also figured Ben had been disappearing and reappearing for longer than implied onscreen. Next chapter will run during the actual episode, never you fear. Please review, though. I need encouragement to continue! **


	6. Some Nights

**A/N: So I'm back from a writing detox during which I tried to rediscover some creative spirit…that's a lot of words for 'I was blocked and I apologize.' In any event, I'm back and ready to keep going with this story and I hope you guys enjoy! Please review! This chapter is dedicated to reader BulletsCoffeeFaith in honor of her birthday today! Happy birthday!**

* * *

"How did this happen?" Dr. Glass was dabbing at her hand with a cotton swab soaked in rubbing alcohol. It stung really badly.

"I was chopping some herbs they found at the edge of camp," Alex replied softly, wincing as the doctor methodically cleaned the bleeding cut. "And the knife slipped."

"Well you should be alright," the woman said kindly as she gently stitched up the wound and applied a bandage. "Just make sure you don't tear the stitches. And keep it clean, alright? The littlest things get infected around here."

"I will," she nodded, looking at the ground instead of the doctor.

"Hey," Dr. Glass called her attention back to her face. "Alex. Are you okay?"

"Um…yeah."

"Tom told me about your brother…sometimes it helps to talk, you know? If you ever want someone to talk about it with, just find m—" An explosion rang out, sending shockwaves through the ground and rocking the bus. Lourdes let out an involuntary scream as several bottles came crashing down onto the ground.

Alex ducked, fear and panic seizing her. "W-what's happening?" she asked, ears still ringing as a second explosion ripped through the area.

"I don't know," Dr. Glass replied earnestly. "Lourdes, how are the patients?"

"They're fine," the assistant medic answered shakily, letting out a soft breath.

"What did we lose?"

"Um, rubbing alcohol, two jars of ibuprofen, a couple of bags of IV fluid and the last of our amoxicillin supplies," the girl answered, taking a quick inventory.

"A-are the explosions done?" Alex peeped, slowly unfolding from the involuntary fetal position she had assumed.

The doctor looked around. "I think so." It was then that a large series of explosions began to sound off, much louder and more powerful than the last two, and these explosions were unrelenting. Alex screamed, terror seizing her as she dove beneath the cot. Everything was rattling, shaking, and she heard Dr. Glass shouting to Lourdes to make sure the patients were secured. Alex's ears were ringing and she could feel fearful tears pressing at her eyes. She could hear the terrified screaming of people outside. And then, just like that, it all ceased. There were no more explosions, no more trembling of the ground. There was an eerie calm that settled over the area and the only noises were her own manic heartbeat and the ringing in her ears.

There was a voice speaking to her but it sounded distant. "Alex? Alex! Are you okay?!"

She nodded fearfully and allowed Dr. Glass to help her up. She could hear Captain Weaver outside, shouting orders. "What was that?" she asked, trying to blink away the panicked tears. She felt light-headed.

"I wish I knew," the doctor replied, squeezing the girl's shoulders for reassurance. "Lourdes!" she called to her assistant, who was assisting a patient, her face ashen. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," the girl replied. "But we lost almost all of our supplies."

The older woman sighed tiredly. "We'll have to ask Captain Weaver to send scouts out for more. Do we have enough of _anything_?"

"Gauze," Lourdes offered helplessly.

"Dr. Glass!" The doctor wheeled around at the child's voice calling her name, spotting Matt standing by the door, gun in hand. Alex looked with wide eyes at the little boy standing there like a sentry. "Reporting for duty!" He gave his best salute.

"Matt, what are you doing?" Dr. Glass asked.

"Dad sent me to guard the med bus. Are you guys okay?"

"I think we're fine," she answered. "Are you alright?"

Matt nodded, then turned around and faced outward, gun at the ready. Alex was still shocked. Matt was a _nine_ year old. Why was he operating a weapon? Why was he standing guard? _Well, of course. He's brave. He's got a purpose. _

"Matt, where's your father?" The doctor asked as she tried to salvage what supplies she could.

"He went out with the Beserkers, Hal, Captain Weaver, and the others to see what those explosions were."

"What about Ben?" Alex piped, concerned for her friend.

"He disappeared again this morning," Matt said glumly.

She sighed, the worry creeping over her more than before. Was he out there when the explosions happened? Were they meant for him? Was he okay? Was he…_no. No, he's fine. _She supposed it was time to leave, but she _really _didn't want to get off the bus for fear another series of explosions might sound off. But she didn't want to bother them either, they had real patients to care for. Slowly, she disembarked.

"Where are you going?" Matt asked.

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "I just…I don't know," she repeated, posture sagging with defeat. "But you can come with me if you want," she offered, knowing she'd probably just walk around camp aimlessly until something came up. Or until Ben came back.

"I can't," Matt shook his head. "I'm on duty."

She bit back a smile because as much as she admired and emulated his spirit, it was still a sad comment on what the world had fallen to. "Well…uh…good luck, then." Matt saluted her and then she turned and started walking, feeling the crunch of dead grass under her sneakers.

The camp was still in a frenzy, people dashing back and forth, righting fallen objects or consoling tearful children. To her right, a dark-haired mother was coddling a miserably-wailing baby girl. She looked frazzled and Alex offered her what she hoped was a smile. She wasn't even sure if the mother saw her or not. By her third circuit of the encampment she was beginning to get weary and considered heading back to her tent when there was another commotion, coming from somewhere off on the other side of camp. She could hear motors and did her best to run in the direction, stumbling after a few steps and walking quickly the rest of the way.

By the time she found the epicenter of the activity it was much too late to get close. People were swarming the med bus and Captain Weaver was in the doorway, shouting at everyone to move back. Alex spotted the same young mother from before and, hoping she remembered her, asked quietly, "Do you know what's going on?"

"They brought back a kid," the woman answered, craning her neck to try and get a glimpse of the activities inside the bus.

"Ben?" she asked instinctively, heart rate increasing. If her friend was hurt…

"No," the woman shook her head, shifting her baby to her other shoulder. "Rick Thompson…did you know him?"

Alex shook her head. "I-I'm new here," she said shyly.

The woman nodded understandingly. "His dad used to be a fighter for our group. He was harnessed once before."

She wasn't sure what to make of the new information. She knew that there had to be others like Ben but she'd never actually met one who was alive. _All the unharnessed kids you've seen were dead already. I wonder if he's like Ben at all. _The crowd was slowly starting to disperse but once more Alex lingered, hoping that Ben might appear. Or maybe Mr. Mason or even Hal. Just…someone that she knew and was familiar with. She waited a good distance away until Captain Weaver emerged from the bus looking pained and displeased. Shortly after, Mr. Mason appeared, entered the bus, and came out a few minutes later.

"Mr. Mason!" she called, running toward him.

He looked up. "Alex! How are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied, out of breath. "W-what happened? With all the explosions this morning, I mean?" She had been dying to know.

Mr. Mason shook his head and sighed, running a hand under his beard. "I'm not entirely sure," he answered thoughtfully. "But from the looks of it, the skitters and mechs might have turned on each other…"

_Turned on each other? _"Uh…someone said you found a boy?" she asked, gesturing to the closed bus door.

Mr. Mason nodded. "Ricky. His dad was a friend of mine…he was there. We don't know why but Hal found him under a dead mech."

"W-will he be okay?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Anne's keeping a close eye on him."

"D-do you know what happened to Ben?" she asked, hoping maybe _he _would be able to produce an answer, but he only shook his head ruefully.

"Hal and Maggie went out to look, they should be back soon. I have a couple of things to check on, though. Will you be okay?"

Alex nodded. "Thanks, Mr. Mason."

He smiled. "I think we've been through enough for you to call me Tom," he said, turning to head off. She did her best to smile, thinking how her dad would probably kill her if she complied. She'd always been told to call him Mr. Mason, after all. But if he preferred Tom, who was she to argue?

She spent the rest of the afternoon in the mess hall tent. Just because there was all this excitement, didn't mean people didn't have to eat. All anyone seemed capable of talking about was this latest development—the rediscovery of Rick Thompson. Alex hadn't so much as seen the kid but she picked up from the gossip that he'd woken up and that Mr. Mason—Tom—had gone with him and a few others in search of Ben.

Afternoon and evening came and went without any sign of the party that had gone in search of her wayward friend and she was beginning to doubt they'd make it back that night when the truck rolled in. At first, people went about their business—trucks were rolling in and out of camp a lot these days—but they must have caught sight of what was in the back at the same time she did because they all came running, shouting, murmuring. _No. It couldn't be. _

"We just need you to keep him alive…" Tom was saying to Dr. Glass. She looked angry. And in the bed of the truck, apparently injured, sat…a _skitter_. Panic and dread overtook her. There was an alien _in camp_. Her palms were sweating and she lifted her head for a better look. The creature possessed a red eye on one side of its face and it unnerved her. Moving about by the truck, she spotted Ben being led off by his father, probably to get the scolding of his life. She didn't want to stay near that thing. Even in its weakened state she was sure it could kill her and countless others, so she retreated back to her tent for the night.

* * *

"I don't know why the _hell _Weaver keeps bringing these things back here. They should just kill it already," one of the older guys was saying as they prepared lunch. Alex frowned. Obviously Captain Weaver had his reasons for allowing the creature to live. Why would they question him when he hadn't violated their trust before?

"If you don't like it, feel free to leave," another woman spoke up from the counter where she was chopping vegetables. "Prisoners are valuable—think of what they'd do to get their guy back."

"Nothing," the man grumbled indignantly. "We learned that with the first one we brought here alive."

"Oh hush now," the woman chided.

"I'm telling you, that Tom Mason is no good for the 2nd Mass!" Alex frowned. _What?_

"Will you stop it?" the woman looked at the man angrily. "Pope is gone, there's no place for his scaremongering anymore!"

"He's a spy, I tell you!" the man wailed. "Just you wait! They'll be on top of us, slaughtering us all and then I'll say 'I told you so!' Fellow doesn't spend three months on an alien spaceship without giving up some info…"

The woman rolled her eyes and carried off a tray. Alex pursed her lips until the tenseness had cleared but her head was still buzzing. They had brought skitters back before? And why was Tom so hated? Had he really spent three months on a spaceship? Was he actually a spy? She wished Ben was here so she could talk about it with him. She didn't want to ask Tom directly.

After the evening dinner rush, she went to get a new bandage, this one thoroughly soaked through with water and cooking grease. She had heard the rumors and whispers that Rick was dead and she was more than certain they were true. Why else would all of the group's major leaders be absent? And why would such a rumor crop up were it not true? She felt bad for Rick but at the same time felt guilty for not being grieved by his loss. She hadn't known him. Now she never would.

Lourdes was helping her change the bandage when explosions began. Alex screamed, the horror of the previous morning still fresh in her mind. Lourdes grabbed her arm and finished wrapping it quickly. "Take cover under there!" she said urgently, pointing to the seats in the front. The girl dove beneath the seats, feeling like she was ready to faint. Twice in two days? That could _not _be good.

Dr. Glass was moving about the bus urgently, securing patients and supplies. "Hal's group just brought these back," she said to Lourdes. "Make sure anything breakable is secure!" Outside, Captain Weaver was shouting again and people were rushing back and forth. Vehicles were starting up.

Hal burst into the med bus, carrying the blonde scout she'd just seen the other day. Maggie. She was limp in his arms, bloodied and dirty, and Dr. Glass rushed over immediately. Explosions sounded off everywhere, her ears were ringing as she slid further under the row of seats. She watched as Dr. Glass and Lourdes cut away at Maggie's shirt. Blood was pooling everywhere and Alex shut her eyes tightly. She didn't want to see it, couldn't bear to see it. She found she had an aversion to blood since this invasion happened.

"Nice and easy, Hal!" Dr. Glass called and Alex realized that the boy was in the driver's seat. They were evacuating. _Fast. _She shut her eyes, hugged herself tightly as the distinct sound of the robotic mech's firing reached her ears. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, she tried to convince herself it was a bad dream and nothing more.

* * *

She didn't know how long it took them to reach this new destination. At some point during the trip, cowering under the seats, she must have fallen asleep. It was Dr. Glass' kind voice that woke her up.

"Alex. Alex, it's okay to come out now. We're safe."

She rolled onto her side and faced the doctor who was stooped down, looking in on her hiding place. "W-where are we?" she asked, the first question to come to mind.

"It's a hospital," the doctor answered. "Hal's team found it fully-stocked. We're just outside Richmond, we should be safe here for a little while at least."

Alex nodded and slowly rolled out from under the seats. She could see Lourdes, Hal, and another man lifting the wounded Maggie onto a stretcher. "I-is she okay?" she asked.

Dr. Glass smiled. "She's fine. Or at least she will be once she gets some rest. Why don't you go on in and get some rest too? You've certainly earned it."

The hospital was nice, by far the nicest place she'd seen since the skitters attacked. There were rooms aplenty and fully-stocked supply cabinets. She was wandering up one of the hallways designated for civilian rooming when she spotted Ben walking up the hall.

"Ben!" she called and broke into an awkward run to close the distance. She didn't even think, just threw her arms around him. "I'm so glad to see you, I was so worried!"

He tensed for a moment, then gradually returned the hug. "Thanks," he murmured. "Glad you're okay too."

"So what happened?" she asked, longing for some news. Ben's expression clouded over.

"I-I…don't want to talk about it," he said, pulling away.

Her face dropped. She'd gotten the sense he was holding back before but now he was shutting her out? "Oh," she tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "Sorry about…Rick," she remembered his response when she brought up Jimmy's death and wished she could take the words back.

Only this time, Ben didn't react with hostility. A blank sort of sadness seemed to pass over him. "Yeah," he said softly. "Thanks." The boy started to walk away and Alex pursued him.

"Where are you going?" she asked, feeling more and more like an annoyance. But she couldn't help it. She missed him.

"Roof," he answered, turning around again. "Would you like to…join me?"

"No thanks," she answered after a beat. "I-I don't like heights."

Ben nodded, seemingly relieved that she had turned down his offer. "Suit yourself." And then he turned around and walked off to the stairwell at the end of the hall.

She found an unassigned room in the hallway and went in. Shortly after, the lights came on, much to her delight. She preferred it to the dark anyway. The bed was soft and clean and cozy, with real sheets and a real pillow. It felt great and she was soon stretched out across it, deep in sleep.

The dreams that so often plagued her returned full force in her rest this time and she could see it all. She could hear the gunshots, she hear her own frantic breathing. She could see the orange bursts of light exploding from the end of the gun and she could see the _blood_. She sat up in the dark and released a shuddering sob of a breath before laying back down. Only rest didn't come so easy this time.

* * *

**A/N: So there it is! A new chapter! What did you think? I'd like to personally thank all my readers and reviewers now. I usually try to send out personal thank-you's but I wasn't able to this time around, so please accept my thanks now! And of course I'd be all the more grateful if you could leave me a review on this chapter two. And if you didn't figure it out, the 'mother' with the baby was Sarah. I don't know what happened to her on the show, she seems to have been a throwaway character, but I liked her and wanted to write her back in. Oh, and happy birthday to BulletsCoffeeFaith (again)! **

**Musical playlist thingy:  
Some Nights—Fun.  
It Could All Be Gone Tomorrow—Mandy Michelle Martin  
Chasing Cars—Snow Patrol  
Brand New Truth—SanguinDrake **


	7. Shutting Out

**A/N: Okay, folks! I've returned! Some season finale, huh? It was crazy! And I love where I can take Alex now. This particular chapter is set between "Love and Other Acts of Courage" and "Homecoming." I have big stuff planned for "Homecoming" and that may soon be coming! Loved last chapter's reviews, especially those frustrated with Ben's coldness toward Alex but, c'mon!, with all he's been through can you honestly expect him to just be all gung-ho about her pestering him? In any event, I'll shut up now and jump back in here. And yes, there will be some healing in this chapter. That is all. Review. Please.**

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She didn't expect a hospital to be so…homey. When she was about ten she had a bout of pneumonia that landed her in the hospital for a few days and it wasn't fun. All the nurses rushing back and forth, the cold, sterile walls, the bed that was never _quite _comfortable enough to rest fitfully in. Now, this was like a five-star resort. The beds were better than anything she'd ever slept on, the white-washed walls the prettiest thing to look at because they were unmarred by the dirt and filth around them. And it was oddly tranquil. It was…friendly.

She didn't sleep very fitfully on account of the nightmares but she still felt more rested than she had in months. She felt ready to face the world. Slowly, Alex sat up, letting her dark locks fall back in a tangled mess and slowly rubbing her eyes to clear them of the blurriness. There was actual light filtering in through the window and, looking out, she saw a crisp, cloudy day. There were some tall trees on the edge of the hospital lot and a wrecked station wagon in the parking lot on her side. A Volvo, just like her dad used to drive. And it was enough to make her feel deflated again. Even if this _was _some sort of Ritz-Carlton accommodation, it was still devoid of her family.

The hallway was silent as she stepped out in her bare feet, relishing the feeling of the short fibers parting beneath her toes and drawing the blue hooded sweatshirt tighter about herself. Some of the doors to rooms were still shut as she headed to the end of the corridor and took in the view through the large, glass window. It wasn't much to look at—dumpsters and assorted rubble, a few more ruined cars, and a couple of motorcycles that the group had brought. But it still felt nice to be indoors someplace, taking in a view instead of looking over her shoulder, running all the time. She went back to her room to slip on some shoes and then proceeded down the staircase toward the cafeteria, where they'd no doubt be firing up to prepare breakfast. If they hadn't done so already. She felt a little guilty sleeping in when she should have been down there assisting. On her way down, she glanced at the signs giving directions to various wards, centers, and departments. Her room was in what was once a maternity ward. Funny how she was now hiding from death in a place where life was once brought into the world.

Sure enough, the cafeteria was bustling already. Most of the civilians had been granted a reprieve and allowed to sleep in to whatever hour they desired. The fighters were still up and about as early as always, marching back and forth up hallways and outside, securing perimeters. And she knew that Dr. Glass and Lourdes had to be up to assist with the injured, but the others were drifting in and out as they pleased. Alex went behind the serving-window to where a few of the others were warming food items.

"Can I help?" she asked.

"Yeah," one of the older guys grunted as he fumbled with the dials of one of the cook tops. "Jamil got the power working but this one range doesn't want to fire up. Could you find him and ask him to come check it out?"

"Um…sure," she tried to sound as agreeable as possible. She turned and walked out, not wanting to be ridiculed if she told the man she had no idea who Jamil even _was_. It couldn't be _too _hard, right? He was some sort of mechanic or something by the sound of things. She paced around the cafeteria, hoping to catch sight of someone who looked like he might be named Jamil. But that was of no use either. _What's someone named Jamil _supposed _to look like?_

She spotted Lourdes walking past the doors and rushed outside to intercept her. "Lourdes!"

The medic smiled at her. "Hey, good morning! How's your hand?" She was carrying an open container full of needles.

"Fine," Alex said breathlessly. "Good. Um…I have a question for you…"

"Shoot," Lourdes said, using her knee to balance the container as she shifted its weight to her other arm.

"Um…one of the cook tops isn't firing and they sent me to find someone named Jamil. Do you know who that is?"

"Yeah," a smile swept across the medic's features. "Here, let me take these up to Anne and then I'll take you to him. I've been meaning to go see him anyway."

Alex followed Lourdes up the back stairwell to the hospital's main floor, where the emergency room was. Some people were sitting on stretchers, nursing injured limbs or pressing gauze to their foreheads.

"Not even a full day here and we're already seeing all kinds of injuries," Lourdes sighed, pulling open a curtain and going inside. Alex caught sight of Dr. Glass trying to soothe a wailing toddler. "Here's the antibiotic you wanted," she pulled one of the needles out and handed it to Anne.

"Thanks," Dr. Glass nodded appreciatively. Alex shut her eyes as the doctor went to insert the needle into his arm. The screaming of the kid and his mother's desperate attempts to calm him were enough to make her want to run from the room. She couldn't _stand _needles.

"Okay," Lourdes joined her outside. "Let's go see Jamil."

Lourdes led her to the side of the hospital, shielded from the elements by some of the larger tents they had. All manner of broken equipment lay strewn about and a couple of guys were milling about, peeking into opened-up weapons or radio transistors. A young man with dreadlocks was fiddling around under the hood of a big, white convertible.

"Hey, mecanico!" Lourdes called out into the dim area. The man looked up and a grin immediately overtook his features.

"Enfermera!" he greeted.

"Que tal?" she asked, wandering over. Alex hung back near the entrance, unsure of exactly what was going on. "Any new injuries?" Lourdes questioned, snuggling her way into the mechanic's arms and examining his knuckles.

"Not since last time," he kissed her forehead. Alex was surprised by how openly affectionate the two were. Then she noticed that the man was looking at her curiously. "Um, can I help you out?" he asked her.

"Oh! Uh…"

"Alex, meet Jamil. Jamil, meet Alex," Lourdes spoke for her, much to the younger girl's relief. She took the opportunity to step a bit closer. "She works in the kitchen—one of their stoves isn't firing up. Mind taking a look? That is…if you aren't too busy fixing the GTO…"

"Nah," Jamil laughed, locking his hands around Lourdes' waist. "The Goat's good to go. I'd be happy to help you out, Alex." He stuck out a gloved hand and Alex shook it limply.

The girl managed a shy sort of smile. "Um, thanks. I-I'll take you to it…"

"Duty calls," Jamil spoke to the medic, pressing another kiss to her forehead and releasing her from his arms.

"Amen," she laughed. "Catch you at lunch?"

"It's a date," the mechanic answered, following Alex out of the repair area.

* * *

"Well ,the igniter's hooked up to the generator and the gas is topped off…It's probably something with the igniter itself then. I'll have to take it out and take a closer look, do you mind?" Jamil turned to the older man that had sent for him. Alex leaned self-consciously against one of the stainless-steel counter tops, chewing on her lip thoughtfully.

"Do what you have to do," the guy was saying. "It'll be a big help once we have this range available to us."

She tuned them out, now fixated on the cafeteria table where she saw Ben speaking quietly to Hal. Neither boy looked to be in terribly high spirits. She thought back to Ben's basic rejection of her the night before, how he was so reluctant to talk to her, and she felt the little pangs of hurt feelings again. She knew he had a lot on his plate, though. He was once harnessed for crying out loud and he'd just lost two friends within weeks of each other. _He doesn't need you bothering him. _

Jamil and the other guy were still talking so she took the opportunity to slip out. She wasn't sure _why _she was approaching the two Mason boys, or even what she would say once she got to the table, but she wanted to see how they were doing anyway. Hal, who was sitting on the side facing her, looked up as she came over and gave her a polite smile.

"How are you?" he asked. Ben turned and a twinge of a smile crossed his lips, too. He slid over and patted the seat beside him, indicating she should sit down.

Alex complied. "Fine," she answered Hal. "You?"

"Tired," he yawned, rubbing a hand down his face. She could see bloodshot eyes and Ben didn't look much better.

"How's Maggie?" She remembered that the blonde woman wasn't doing too well after Hal brought her on to the med bus.

"Better," he said. "She's still resting, it was a hell of a hit she took. But Anne said that no major organs were hit so she should be fine."

"How are you?" she turned to Ben.

"Tired," he mimicked his brother.

"No sleep again?"

"I get it where I can…_when _I can," he answered quizzically.

"I'm going to go check on Maggie," Hal excused himself, getting up and exiting the room.

"So, uh…how was the roof?" Alex asked, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.

"Relaxing," Ben answered quietly. "You should've come."

"Are you kidding?" she asked after a moment. "I told you, I _hate _heights. I freaked out on the Ferris wheel at the fair!"

"I remember that," Ben smiled, turning to face her. "You were clinging to the sides of the car…"

"I thought I was going to die!" she laughed, mentally wincing at her choice of words. The reminiscing again. That was nice. And yet…somehow it was different.

"So…how long do you think we'll be here?" Alex asked, trying to invent conversation.

"No clue," Ben answered. "Probably once Maggie and Captain Weaver get better. Already looking forward to leaving?"

"No it's not that," she leaned her head against her hand, absently brushing strands of her hair with her fingers. "It's just that…I don't know, it just feels weird to be camping out in a hospital."

"I know what you mean," Ben replied, stretching out a leg beneath the table. "But…a lot's changed."

"Yeah," she nodded. _A lot_.

"You haven't," the sandy-haired boy pointed out.

Alex turned to face him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're still the same. You're still Alex."

"You're still Ben Mason," she countered.

"Yeah," he answered but there was an almost sarcastic tone in his voice. "I'm Ben Mason the half-alien freak who's endangering his friends and family…"

She frowned. "C'mon, Ben. You know that isn't true…"

"Yeah, well try telling everyone else that," he responded softly. He wet his lips before continuing. "Ever since I got back, everyone's been treating me differently. And that…" She found his green eyes fixed directly on her brown ones. "…That's why I'm so happy you're here," he finally breathed, barely a whisper. "I'm still Ben Mason to you, not a razorback."

"Ben—"

"And I'm sorry," he continued. "That I was being such a jerk it's just that…" he shook his head, frustrated. "Never mind. I just…I had to be alone."

She pursed her lips, digesting the rapid stream of words. "Well maybe you're just a razorback freak," she finally said, "but you're still my friend, Ben." It was the best she could manage but she knew it was corny nonetheless.

"Some things don't change," he forced a smile, putting an arm around her and pulling her in for a one-armed hug. But she couldn't just stay there, pretending. She felt fake, like she was lying to him.

"Ben…" she pulled away and waited for him to look at her again. "What if…what if I _have _changed?" _Are you really going to tell him? Right here? Right now? _She decided she had to, that he _had _to know. She couldn't keep lying to him like this.

"How so?" he asked. It was clear from his expression that he had no clue what she was about to say.

"Well I mean…we've all…I don't know _done _things we wouldn't have ordinarily done before the invasion, right?"

His eyebrows pulled together momentarily. "Um…yeah. I mean, look at me. At _everyone _in the 2nd Mass."

"No," she shook her head. "Not like that. I mean…we've all…had to make choices an-and do stuff that…that we didn't mean to do…and even if it was an accident…" She grew frustrated, letting out a breath, beating around the bush.

"Alex," he gripped her shoulders and turned her whole body to face him. "What's wrong, huh?" There was something in his eyes, that _look_, that made her shiver. It was intense, worried, so…grown-up. She lost all resolve and drooped in defeat.

"Nothing, Ben," she finally shook her head and forcibly turned herself back around. It was _her _turn to do the shutting out and it annoyed her almost as much as her inability to speak to him. _He's your friend. He's your _best _friend. If you can't tell him…who can you tell? _She wanted to believe he would understand. It was an accident. She didn't _mean _to do that. She didn't _mean _to hurt _anyone_.

"What is it?" he asked, turning her about once more. She forced a smile despite the tears stinging, building pressure at the back of her eyes and ready to burst forth. That _look_ was back. And it filled her with some sort of adoration for his concern. He _was _a friend. A great friend. And the look in his eyes told her he wouldn't just let this drop. She took another deep breath. _Now or never_.

"I didn't mean to do it!" she finally said, quickly, without any break in between the words. The tears were slowly trickling out of the corners of her eyes.

"Do what?" he asked softly. She could feel his arms encircling her, hugging her for support. "Do what?" he repeated.

"I…didn't mean to hurt anyone…" she cried.

"Who?" he asked soothingly, a hand running through her hair. She drew in a deep breath and honestly believed that she was going to tell him, that she had the resolve to do it.

"Ben!"

Both teenagers looked up to spot a man standing in the doorway of the cafeteria.

"Dai? What's wrong, I'm kind of—"

"Weaver's up," the man named Dai answered. "And he wants to see us."

"I'm in the middle of something," Ben protested.

"No," Alex peeped softly. "J-just go, Ben."

"Alex—"

"You have a job to do," she cut him off. "I'll…I'll be fine." His face wavered and he looked hesitantly at her before finally getting up slowly to join Dai by the door.

"I'll come find you later," he promised. "And then you can tell me."

She nodded her head mutely but she knew that she wouldn't have the resolve to tell him later. This was likely her first and only chance. And she'd blown it. She blew out a frustrated breath and got up slowly, drying her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt before turning to face the kitchen. Jamil had left at some point during the conversation and some of the other cooks were bumping around, putting pots onto stoves and clanging around utensils. She headed off to help them, if only to have something to take her mind off of it all.

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**A/N: Getting closer to discovering Alex's secret…sound like a doozy? You bet! Anyone else care to add to the speculation? I'm curious to see what you guys think! As a side note: the Pontiac GTO was referred to by many as 'the Goat' back in the '60s, which explains Jamil's use of the term there. (I'm a car-geek. Sue me.) Jamil and Lourdes' little moment there was a last-minute addition. What did you think? I feel like they didn't give enough insight into their relationship on the show so many were left confused when they said they loved one another. I wanted to show how close and loving they really were in the background. Was it too much? Tell me! Leave a review at the bottom! **

**TRANSLATION OF JAMIL AND LOURDES' CONVERSATION (or the brief bits in Spanish):  
"Hey, Mechanic!"  
"Nurse!"  
"What's up?"  
—see how much two years of Spanish pays off? xD**

**CHAPTER PLAYLIST:  
(just an FYI: I pretty much draw a lot of inspiration from Taylor Swift's "Eyes Open" from the Hunger Games soundtrack but I don't include it in every chapter playlist.)  
-Fighter—Gym Class Heroes  
-Breathe (2 AM)—Anna Nalick  
-Edge of Desire—John Mayer  
-Waiting Outside the Lines—Grayson Chance (don't you criticize my music choices now!)  
-Some Nights—Fun. (I listen to this one a lot since it's my current favorite but whatever)**

**That's it! I appreciate the reads, as always. Thanks so much (if you made it through all the author's note/ramble) and I'd appreciate a review or two! **


	8. I Don't Want Him to Leave

**A/N: So here's part two of the pre-"Homecoming" chronicles featuring everyone's favorite previously-harnessed, angsty teenager: BEN! And my favorite (and hopefully yours too) best friend of a previously-harnessed, angsty teenager: ALEX! The time in between the two episodes "Love and Other Acts of Courage" and "Homecoming" cried out for a filler so I'm bringing it to you. Next chapter will take place **_**during **_**the events of that episode, just an FYI. As always, I appreciate reviews and look forward to reading some. So please leave them. I'm not kidding.**

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After nearly breaking down in front of him, Alex took to avoiding Ben like the plague. She felt like she was being tugged back and forth—one moment she wanted to say something and the next she was biting her tongue. She longed to tell him, to just come clean and let _someone _in. Marc had known—he had _been _there when it happened—but he wasn't here now. There was no one to talk about it with. No one to cry with. And as much as she longed to tell him, she longed for his friendship and company more. There was no way she could have both. After her brother's death she'd been alone. She wasn't alone anymore, though. And she didn't want to be alone again. So she stayed quiet. She started working in the kitchen more, instead of serving food in the hospital cafeteria. It was all in a bid to avoid him. She knew he'd try (and most likely succeed) in breaking her if they had a moment.

So she stayed away. And it made her so desperately lonely, even in the company of others. Every look directed at her was suddenly judgmental in her eyes. _They all knew_. They _had _to know. She had been to obvious, too eager to tell someone about it. Had she talked in her sleep? Admitted to something she didn't know about? No one was friendly anymore, at least not as far as she could see. And it was just a taste of what life would be like if she confessed. And this strengthened her resolve to stay away from her friend at all costs.

She further justified the decision by trying to convince herself it would be for Ben's good. He was so weighed down, he didn't need one more thing to keep him up at night. He didn't need to worry about whether or not he could trust her.

She was sitting in her room, staring out the hospital window when she heard the hesitant knocking. She jumped, startled, and wheeled around expecting to find Ben standing in the doorway. Instead she found the youngest Mason—Matt—lingering there, eyeing her shyly.

"Alex?" he asked softly.

Alex hesitated before replying. "What's wrong, Matt?"

"Can I…can I come in?" His voice was much quieter than usual and a look of sadness crossed his face. She couldn't help but think that he was _much _too young to be looking like that.

"Of course," she finally answered, getting up from the chair and joining him at his side. "What's wrong?" she repeated.

"No one to talk to," the nine-year-old answered glumly.

"Well…where's Ben?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

"He's outside patrolling," Matt said.

"And Hal? And your dad?"

"Hal's on a scouting mission with Maggie and Dad's too busy trying to help everyone else. Anytime I want to just talk to one of them they push me aside…I wish I was bigger. Then they'd take me seriously." The boy's brown eyes remained fixated on the tiles on the floor. Alex's gaze wandered over them too. Despite alien invasion, he was still just a nine-year-old. And he still needed his dad and brothers.

"They do take you seriously," she encouraged, wrapping an arm around the boy. "But your dad doesn't want to put you in harm's way."

Matt protested. "But I can do stuff! I've done it already! I lured out two skitters so the Beserkers could shoot 'em!" He went silent for a moment before whispering, "Can you keep a secret?"

Alex nodded.

"Well…even though my dad told me not to…I helped on a few more Beserker scouting missions. I led skitters straight to Tector and Boone. They're really good shots! And a couple of times, they let me help them load their guns. The big machine gun kind, not the little rifle that my dad lets me use. I wish Dad and Hal could see me do stuff like that. Then they'd stop treating me like a little kid all the time."

She wasn't sure, but she thought she could see a tear gathering in his eye. "Don't worry, Matt," she soothed. "I know you're not a little kid anymore. But your dad and your brothers care about you…"

"Do you remember that one summer," Matt asked. "When Dad wouldn't let me go too far in the ocean because I was so little." Alex was amazed that he could remember such details but she nodded. There was a vague memory there. "I feel like that _all _the time now," he said, frustrated. "Ben's the only one who knows I can be a grown-up too." He sighed. "I don't want him to leave." Suddenly, the boy clapped a hand over his own mouth as he suddenly realized what he'd just said.

"What?" Alex asked, shocked. "Why is Ben leaving?"

"I-I didn't say he was leaving!" Matt denied quickly.

"Matt…you just said…"

"No I didn't!" The girl shot the child a look and he finally gave in. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked again. Alex nodded once more.

"A few nights back—up on the roof—Ben told me that he might have to leave soon. He thinks he's putting people in danger here…"

"That's not true!" Alex broke in.

"Ben thinks so. And everyone else thinks so too. Like Pope."

"Who's Pope."

"You don't know him, but he was a guy who used to be in jail. Dad doesn't like him and he doesn't like Dad. He left though. Maybe he's dead. I hope so."

"Matt, don't say that!" Alex was horrified at the child's wish.

"He was mean to Ben! And Dad! He tried to get Dad killed! But anyway, Ben thinks he might have to leave. Except I don't want him to. He's the only one who knows that I can help. He's the only one who gives me a chance around here."

The teenage girl frowned. It wasn't just true for Matt. Ben was pretty much the only one who didn't write her off as helpless or useless or needing protecting. Ben gave her a chance too. Why was he leaving? "I don't want him to leave either," she finally said.

"You gotta talk to him!" The child pled. "Please, Alex? He'll listen to you!"

"How do you know?" she asked curiously.

"Because he talks about you a lot. He says you're his best friend so he's gotta listen to you!"

"I don't know, Matt…" She felt a combination of happiness and sadness in her heart. She was glad Ben thought of her as a best friend but sad, also, because what kind of a best friend doesn't tell the truth?

"Please!" There were tears in Matt's dark eyes now and it was clear he was very frightened at the prospect of losing his older brother. "You can even tell him I told you so you won't get in trouble. I don't want him to leave, Alex!"

Alex sighed, sweeping her dark hair to one side, a pensive expression on her face. "I'll try," she finally promised. "But I don't know if it'll make much difference."

"Thank you," the nine-year-old said earnestly, getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna go see if anyone needs help. Maybe Jamil will let me help him with the tools. He lets me do that sometimes." Alex nodded dumbly and the child left. She was suddenly very afraid. What if Ben decided to leave? Then who would she have? Mr. Mason—Tom, Hal…they looked at her like something that needed protecting. Lourdes was her only other friend here but she hardly knew anything about the med assistant. Besides, Lourdes had more important things to do. Everyone else largely ignored her, looked through her, treated her like she didn't exist. But the thing that scared her the most was: what if Ben left before she came clean? Then who could she ever conceive of telling?

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**A/N: Alex is really attached to Ben. I felt that in order to set up the next round of action, the secret had to come out. Let's face it: little kids sometimes slip up. So what do you guys think? Will Alex confront Ben about it? Will she come clean while she still has the chance? I know you all are probably annoyed with me for teasing and teasing but I promise the reveal is big and emotional. Most of you probably figured out the general direction I'm headed with it by now. Kind of short but it's mainly exposure/filler material for where I'm headed next. Sorry for the uber-long delay. Classes started up and my course load is heavy (Physics, Precalculus, AP English, editor of the newspaper…it's a full-time job!) So updates will be slower out the gate from now on but I still write on the weekends and during study hall and whenever I find a free minute! I won't leave you hanging. Next up—updates for "Skies Shall Fall Again" and "Too Cold Outside For Angels to Fly." I'll be putting them up ASAP be patient. Shoutout to BulletsCoffeeFaith, an avid fan and twitter follower who pressures me to put these things up as fast as possible. Check out her work too. It's really good (and a bit dark, which is why I like it so much!) Anyway, that's all for now. PEACE! **


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